Baby preferred to keep it in secret

Hello my dear friends!

Another week passed and we are already in our 17^th week. We’re getting closer to the middle of our pregnancy. With each new week, I keep reading about how our baby changes and develops, about his new achievements. The baby is already around 18 cm tall! His movements are more controlled now. He can touch his face or suck his thumb. He can hear much better now and can recognize voices. Of course, I wish I could talk to him and tell him how much I love him and wait for him here, but this is what I’m unable to do.

I call our baby “he” but in reality we still don’t know if it’s he or she. We received our 16 weeks scan last week, with ultrasound photos and videos. The baby is growing, surrogate is feeling well. They handled second genetic scan and the result was good this time as well: low risk for genetic abnormalities. But as to gender of our baby – no news again. I know 16 week is too early, but we were so impatient to know. All our family is waiting. We also want Den to know if he is expecting a sister or a brother. As I’ve told in one of my previous posts, our surrogate thinks it’s a boy.

The next scan and check up is on the 20^th week. Three more weeks to wait. Maybe this time we’ll fly to Kiev to meet our surrogate and see her growing bump, but only time will show.

As to my other news, Martin got back from his business trip but we failed to have some good rest this weekend because Den got ill again and currently I’m taking care of him. It was flu and he is slowly but steadily recovering. This morning we even went for a walk together. So in general, I’m a bit tried after this week. Mom’s heart is never at rest when her child is not feeling well. But we always do our best to help them recover as soon as possible.

So, I’m closing by now, with thoughts about my two babies: thee one who is just next to me coughing and with a running nose, and the second still so small but already so endlessly loved.

Warm hugs

xxx

Women from Venus, Men from Mars

Hello my dear friends! I hope you all are feeling well on this wonderful day.  A week has started. We had to wake up at 5.30 am today because my husband was to set off to Bergen. It’s a business trip. Well, a long way to go, and he is yet driving. So I’m waiting for a call from him just to make sure everything’s fine. He often travels all over the country for his business meetings but each time I’m a bit nervous.  Maybe this is just my female nature?

We all women are the same. Aren’t we? We always need to worry for someone/something. And we always will. Nothing changes with years. Modern social policy tends to gender equality, same rights and duties for men and women.  But we are not the same: never were and never will be. Finally, men and women were designed to complete each other. Remember: Women from Venus, Men from Mars? Neither time, nor new laws will change it.

It seems I’m happy to have a husband who still thinks that women have to be given flowers and pampered in many different ways. We all still want to be princesses and to be treated liked a princess, no matter how old we are.

I have a son and we still don’t know the gender of the baby that we are awaiting through surrogacy. As I’ve told before, we wanted a baby girl. My husband did. And so do I. I know how it feels to be a mother of a little man, but yet I so desperately want to be a mother of a little princess as well. And yes I will dress her in pink and tell her that she is beautiful every single day. Dozen times per day. Even if people will say that I’m spoiling her. I think that this is why we, women, all come to this world: to be pampered, spoiled and know that we’re making this world better with our beauty. And to give birth to children, of course.

We hope that tomorrow we will know the gender of our long awaited baby. Tomorrow is the day for our next scan – 16 weeks pregnancy. Our surrogate is expected to come to Kiev, to the clinic, again. Unfortunately, we couldn’t travel this time to be present at the checkups personally. Of course, I was very upset, but now it’s better. I know that they will inform every single detail of the scan as soon as possible. So tomorrow is a big day and we are waiting.

I hope the doctor who will be performing ultrasound is professional enough to see the gender of the baby on the 16^th week. Still I know it may be tough, especially if the baby is “shy”. When I was pregnant with Den, it was only the 20 weeks scan when we found out it’s a boy.

We will see this time.

Apart from gender question, of course we are waiting for medical report and second genetic screening. The first one was ok, so we hope that this time there’ll be no problems as well.

16 weeks – the baby is already big enough. Surrogate may experience first kicks. They say when it’s not the first pregnancy, woman starts feeling first kicks much earlier. I’m sure they will ask her.

I’m checking the weather in Ukraine often. It seems they are having nice warm sunny weather. I hope that our surrogate takes some time for walks and breathing fresh air. Baby needs oxygen, and well as first rays of spring sun that nourishes skin with vitamin D. Sure, I’m not in control of all that but I really hope that our surrogate takes care of herself and our baby very wisely.

Waiting for news from clinic.

I’ll drop a line as soon as I’m informed.

Have a great week, friends!

Xxx

Flying to Kiev tomorrow!

Hi to everyone who is following me.

I hope you all had gorgeous St.Valentine’s Day with your dearest people. I did, and even though nothing really special was planned, we had a good evening in family circle, cooked some fish and salad, and a pie. No candles, but still it was a very warm evening. After all, we’re not in our 20s any longer. However, maybe when we get older, we’ll get back to candles again? Who knows?

There’s great news I would like to share with you today. The clinic confirmed the day of surrogate’s scan. It’s Friday, the 17^th of February. Tomorrow we’re taking our flight to Kiev, late at night, again, like the previous time. The only difference is that this time we’re travelling without our son, Den. This will be a very quick trip: Friday evening we’re already travelling back home to Oslo. A bit tiring, but we will have two weekend days to have some rest after this trip. Also, I’m sure Den will be missing us much, so we didn’t want to stay there for long.

I hope there will be no delays, every hour of our trip is scheduled. So, we’re supposed to meet the lady who is carrying our baby on Friday morning. I’m very excited and a bit nervous. I’ve got some presents to give her. We all will see the baby on ultrasound scan. The 12^th week is scan is one of the most memorable. At least, it was for me in my first pregnancy. I hope they will do some photos and video for us.

So, I have to end up here today. Many things have to be done before we depart. Please wish us luck and safe flight. I’ll drop a line to inform you on our journey as soon as possible.

Sweet regards,

Agnete! 

Time to say Hello

Hi, how have you been? Please forgive me for being silent for a while. This last month was very special for me and my family. I would even say “specific” but still special as well. Gorgeous news that we received just on New Year’s eve gave impetus for a new whirl of our family life. Yes, a new page of the family book. Our surrogate is there in Ukraine and she is pregnant. She is miles away and we know almost nothing about her, still there’s a new-coming member of our family there in her belly. Oh, I knew surrogacy is a challenge, but I didn’t know HOW exactly it will feel like. It feels a bit awkwardly, indeed, even though the same pleasant and marvelous as natural pregnancy. Maybe this is because we still haven’t met our surrogate mum? I hope. Now it all feels a bit incomplete. You want to be there, you want to be in control, you want to be IN. But this is just lyrics. I’d say: emotional component. What about factual component? The most evident fact about our surrogacy journey is that 12 weeks scan is approaching and this time we are invited to be IN. This time we can travel there to Kiev and be present at all scans, talk to managers and doctor, see the results of all tests, and the last but not the least – to finally say Hello to the woman who is pregnant with our baby. Even though she speaks no English, and we know no Ukrainian, I hope we’ll enjoy this very first communication. I know there will be an English speaking manager to help us translating, as well as at all procedures in Kiev we had to pass through. BUT (oh, sure, how could we go without this “magical” word But?) my husband is now on his business trip. He returns only in three days and he is still uncertain about his plans for the next week. Also, this time I would like to leave Den at home with grandma so we’ll have to adjust our schedules as well.

I try to be loyal to myself and my inner voice says not to get frustrated even if it doesn’t work and we won’t be able to travel. Still I hope we will. I want to see my baby on the monitor with my own eyes, this is an important milestone of the whole journey, isn’t it? 

The pressure is on!

Please forgive me that it took me so long to update you this time.

These few days were extremely full of emotions from immense joy to hesitation and thrill. Have you been waiting to know our HCG test result? I’m sure you did, at least once.

We received a letter from clinic’s representative on Monday morning. Finally! It seemed to me that this day lasted forever. I was checking my email again and again millions of time and nothing happened. By the time I finally received the letter, I was already pretty tired and exhausted with waiting. When I finally saw it in my inbox, I stopped breathing for a while. I opened the letter and saw the words of congratulations and our HCG test that was showing number of 320. Can you believe it? I couldn’t. At that time, I was like: “Is there anyone to pinch me and I’ll wake up”.

My husband was still at work at that time. I was thinking how it’s better to present this new to him. Of course, it would be much more romantic if I could hide my test with two fat lines in a present box or something like this. However, the situation is different and I should have searched for more witty solutions. I was flying like a butterfly over our house. Then I decided to find Den’s newborn baby booties. We had very beautiful white ones. I put them on a pillow just in the middle of the sofa where Martin usually has rest after work. I was very nervous and thrilled. I know he wouldn’t ask me any questions before he gets to the sofa so I wanted to be the first.

Ok, he saw the baby booties on the pillow and understood everything. He started hugging and kissing me and then asked many questions. It was an unforgettable evening.

At first, I was a little bit worried that number of 320 didn’t seem big enough to me. The test was done on the 14^th day post transfer. Then I read some info and asked ladies on forums. Everyone told me that it’s absolutely positive and may indicate even twins.

What’s next? We’re waiting for our first ultrasound. They told that as a rule they do it in 2 weeks after HCG test but they will have a row of Christmas and New Year holidays there in Ukraine, so they told us that the ultrasound is scheduled for the 28^th of December, a bit earlier, you see. They told that only ultrasound test will set everything clear with our pregnancy so we’re waiting… again…and again.

Loads of fertility dust on you, sweethearts!

Xxx

Today

It’s the end of two weeks wait. Yes, it’s today. Hopefully, we survived this unbearable period. It seems that the whole eternity has passed.

I really hope our clinic will contact us today. At least, they told us that HCG blood test is scheduled for today. I already surfed the internet and learnt everything about first weeks after embryo transfer, about development, tests and normal values. By this time, HCG should be quite high already. We’re expecting to see a big number.

Gosh, it seems that today the time stopped. I’m checking my email every 15 seconds. It seems I’ve gone crazy. Such a long way behind and what’s ahead? Has it worked? How does she feels? So many questions running through my head.

In any case, all that I can do is wait and hope for the very best outcome. That’s why I decided to continue this diary. It helps me relax a bit.

At first, I wanted to wait until the result and only then update you. Anyways, I was silent for a long time that’s why I’m here.

Maybe some of you who are following my diary have already got your BFPs during this time. Is there anyone? Happy expectant mom? Please send your fertility vibes on me.

My husband tried not to talk much about it yet. He knows I get too excited and nervous each time we start talking about surrogacy. Moreover, my son got ill in a few days after we came back from Kiev so we both were busy with him. He is still so young and needs care, attention and love. She is absolutely fine now, hopefully. By the way, we’re getting ready to his birthday party that will be on Friday – 4 years already. A big boy. Only our closest people will be invited so it’ll be small family celebration. Still, he wants to have a big cake and a lot of balloons so we’ll have to take care about it. And of presents, of course.

Let me wish you a good day.

I wish all of us get only good news today.

I’m waiting for our 3 figure HCG test result. I hope biotex replies promptly and won’t make me wait even longer than these unbearable two weeks. 

Regards from snowy Kiev

Today I even do not know what to start from. It’s the second day after eggs retrieval and I still have pain in my lower abdominal, obviously in the places of puncture. It still bleeds slightly. They say it’s ok. My poor belly was full of bruises after hormonal injections and now this all is doubled with inner pain and weakness after anesthesia. Gosh? The same question again and again: Who told that women are the weaker sex?

Despite of all my post-stimulation and post-surgery tortures, there’s the main fact that should be underlined: the surgery went well. And yes, this is the key factor in this story. The day was magical from the very morning. They told me not to eat anything before the surgery. I woke up and looked through the window: everything was cover by virgin white snow and it was still snowing. I don’t know why, but I decided that it was a good sign. The driver came to take us to the clinic at the appointed time. It seems that traffic was getting more intense because of snow.  We started to get nervous that we won’t get to clinic in time. Hopefully, our driver knew the best way and took us to the clinic just on time. They took me upstairs. It was warm there, so I almost forgot about snowfall that was outside. My anesthesiologist was really a humorous man. He was definitely in a very good humor so I relaxed a bit. He asked something from my manager. They told me to take off all clothes and to dress a one shot medical gown. It was complete anesthesia. I remember myself counting and then I fall into very deep sleep. They told it was around 15 minutes. For me, it seemed like 30 seconds.  Not feeling anything, nothing at all. No nervousness, no pain. I had so many questions and I was waiting for my manager to come. She ensured me that everything went well and told that I will get a report on how many eggs were retrieved a bit later. She also gave some recommendations on my post surgery care.

Oh, I forgot to tell that my husband was done with his sperm pickup even before they took me to surgery room. They use everything fresh for our fertilization: fresh sperm and eggs. They told that 8 eggs were retrieved. We still don’t have any report on embryos. Maybe it’s too early. In any case, our embryo transfer is planned for December 5. We had a separate discussion with our doctor and manager of how many eggs should be transferred. They said that they can transfer up to three eggs. I know that it increases chances of successful ivf, but still it increases chances of multiples and we were not so much overwhelmed by the idea. I love children but raising triplets accompanied by a toddler was not actually what we were dreaming of. So we gave our consent on transferring two embryos.

They told me that it would be better to stay in bed for 2-3 days after the surgery. Our air tickets are booked for tomorrow night so I have one more day for rehab. We have another long and tiring flight back home, again with a change in Frankfurt, so I have to get better soon. Hopefully, Martin keeps Den entertained. They give me as much time for rest and sleep as I want. There’s a maid who cooks dinners for us and cleans the apartment, so we have nothing to worry about. It was already late evening when it stopped snowing so heavily. They went outside to play with snow. I’m sure they had much fun. Snow was shining on the moonlight and was so divinely white that it seemed that ground was covered with down and it felt so comfy in this fur coat.

Today it doesn’t snow anymore and the sun is shining so brightly that I even had to pull down roll curtains on my windows. This time it reminds me that Christmas is so soon. According to my approximate calculations, we will get to know the result of our surrogate’s pregnancy just a few days before Christmas. But let’s not run before we can walk. Flying home tomorrow and will be looking forward to their updates on our embryo transfer on Monday. I hope my eggs will be good enough for fertilization and embryos will develop properly.

PS: it seems that I forgot to tell you a few other important steps of our surrogacy journey that took place during this visit. Most importantly, we had to make the second payment according to our payment schedule. This time it was 7 900 euros. This was the second installment. By this time, we have already paid 15 900 euros in total. Also, we signed contract with our surrogate even though we still haven’t seen her. They told that we will be able to meet her only when pregnancy is confirmed. Ok.  Now our future totally depends on Biotexcom embryologists and gynecologists. I hope they will do their best for us and our attempt will be positive. Everything crossed!

A postcard from Kiev

Good evening to everyone who is following me here. So much to tell you this time, so much news and updates so this post definitely won’t be brief. First of all, we safely got to Kiev but “safely” is probably the best characteristic of our flight. In fact, it was a long and tiring flight with one change in Frankfurt. Thus we got to Kiev when it was already late night. As I probably told in my last posting, I was a bit concerned about out hotel transfer. When we traveled to Kiev the first time, Biotex’s driver met us at the airport and took us to the hotel. But it was day time. I wasn’t sure that they provide same service at night. And my worries weren’t groundless. There was no driver. They told us to find a booth with inscription “Biotexcom” and they will call a taxi for us. Maybe because we were so tired after the flight, we couldn’t find the booth at once. We were wandering around arrivals lounge for around 10 minutes before we finally saw a small window with necessary inscription. Oh, thanks. Really, there was a lady who called a taxi for us. The taxi came in around 10 minutes and around 30 minutes yet to get to the apartment. Yes, this time we stay in the apartment which is very cozy and spacious. It’s much better than the hotel they accommodated us the previous time. In any case, at 3 am we didn’t care about it. we just wanted to get to bed as quick as possible.

Next morning we were already at the clinic. We were met by our manager (is it a sign or not, but she is pregnant!). They took my blood for tests again and then we were taken to our doctor. There were four more couples in the lines to see this doctor so we had to wait. She did ultrasound test and physical examination. She said everything is the way it should be and told me to follow the initial protocol, with no changes. Oh, was it a relief? I was so worried that my body might have poor response on merional and eggs won’t grow. But she said that everything was fine.

What about Den? He was really making fun there at the clinic (even though it seems that he should had been much more quiet but we couldn’t do anything, really – oh, I’m so sorry for this. Moreover, he found a friend there – an Italian boy of around a year older than he. Their fathers did their best to calm down these two but it’s really very tough for a toddler to wait for hours in a closed building. Then the manager told us that we may go downstairs and treat our boys with busicuits and hot chocolate. They liked the idea. Moreover, it was a new room where they could look everything around with interest.

So, now knowing that everything was fine with my stimulation, we could breathe easily and decided to go sightseeing. Sure, the weather was not very indulgent for long walks, but still we visited several Kiev cathedrals with these gorgeous golden domes and the central street called Khreshchatic. We also found an Opera House and Martin said that we should see the ballet. When we came to the box office, it was a bit tough to communicate with old Ukrainian woman who was selling the tickets. Hopefully, there was a young lady who knew English so she helped us buy good tickets. We were really surprised by the price of the tickets. Our pit stalls sits cost around 25 $ which is a minor price if compared to European opera houses. The ballet was called Corsar by Adolf Adan. We were full of impressions. Den was also with us. He was the one who felt a little bored by the play so we had to go a bit earlier. But it’s ok. I knew he won’t sit there till the very end.

My eggs retrieval surgery is scheduled for Tuesday. Tonight I’m making Pregnyl 10000 injection. It’s hormonal injection of Hcg. They told to do precisely in 36 hours before the surgery. So, I’m making it at 10.30 pm tonight. I hope you’re still keeping your fingers crossed for me. Are you? The day is coming – if everything’s ok, fertilization will be the same day.

Got the clinic’s feedback on results of my tests

Good morning everyone (or whatever part of the day you are enjoying at your place). I know I promised you to drop a line when I get some updates as to my current stimulation procedure but I was so busy celebrating that I didn’t have time to  get to my lap top at all. A year older now and it seems every person I know was there to congratulate me on this occasion. Of course, I tried not to show that I’m not too much “overwhelmed” with getting older. They all were so sincere. They told me so warm wishes and took care of presents. It was the sweetest part of all the celebration. The party was also great. My sister and her family came to our place for the whole weekend. She helped us with cooking and serving. My husband decorated the house with multicolored balloons and it looked really nice. 

My parents also came to our place. It takes them around an hour to get here by car, so it’s not so often we see each other, unfortunately. Thus, it was our family reunion. Children also had much fun together. It’s great that despite being a single child (currently), my son Den has 4 cousins of more or less similar age. When they gather together, it’s like a little “gang”.

Ok, let’s get back to the topic. I wanted to update you with my news even back on Friday. I got am email from my fertility clinic’s manager on Friday afternoon. It told that they looked through my tests and give their green light for starting hormonal treatment. Everything is within norm with my scans. Hormonal levels show that the day of testing was the first day of my menstrual period. My doctor told to make the first injection of Merional on the 10^th day of the period that is November 19. In 5 days, on November 23 I should be already in Kiev. My doctor will do ultrasound to see if everything’s fine. They told that since that day and up to the day of eggs retrieval I should stay in Kiev. By now, I have a total of 11 days of hormonal stimulation but they may add more days if follicles don’t grow the way they should. That’s why I should be there in Kiev. They will monitor the situation on their own and will correct my stimulation scenario if needed.

Of course, I’m very happy that my results were good and that I’m starting stimulation with no delays. As I’ve communicated with ladies on forums, many of them complained that Dipherelin injection may give impetus to myoma growth in ovary/ovaries. Thus, they need to postpone stimulation and treat myoma. Generally speaking, no one knows how your body reacts on these medications. In any case, I’m so glad they confirmed good results.

So, my first injection of Merional is scheduled for Saturday. I hope that my mother-in-law helps me again with injections but I’m not sure. This time I need her help each day by the time we depart to Kiev. By the way, we already booked our flights. We will travel all together, I mean all our family of three: my husband, me and our dear son. The minimal time we’ll need to spend there is 8 days (maybe more if they will have to continue stimulation). I hope that they will provide us with comfortable apartment especially knowing that we’re traveling with our son. In any case, medical aspect is still above everything else.

Loads of love on you on this wonderful Monday morning and please have a gorgeous week everyone!

Do you know how it feels?

It’s the seventh day after Dipherelin injection. It seems I’m feeling quite well. I’ve read some clutchy stories of how women feel after this medication: from dizziness to severe cramps and vomiting. As a newbie, I was really scared of it. Moreover, the doze is quite high (I had 3.75). I used to have headache, though. Apart of that, the place where I had injection to also used to ache for around two or three days (sorry for intimate details, but it’s in the bottom). I also felt some drawing pain in my right ovary but it was very occasional and not severe. I hope that my body’s reaction can be called good reaction, after all. Most women say that their period starts in a few days after the injection. Most women indicate their new period with menstrual bleeding. In my case, it’s a bit more complicated. I can’t have bleeding. If you remember my first posting, I had hysterectomy after my first baby was born. It was almost 4 years ago. It was partial hysterectomy: they removed uterus, but my ovaries were left (hopefully). Since then my menstruation is never accompanied with bleeding. But still I have it. I know it might sound a bit weird, but it’s just about elementary anatomy: no uterus, no endometrium, no bleeding. Still I have periods more or less similar to what a normal lady my age has. Despite of the surgery, my ovaries function ok and still produce all female hormones needed for my normal existing. However, just after the surgery and up to 3 months I had to take hormonal medicines together with a lot of other medications needed for my rehab. Since then my period day can be indicated only with the help of blood tests. However, I often feel ovulation and PMS even without tests. Hormones are still striking my brain and I still can be a real scratch-cat a couple of days prior to new cycle. I know it might be hard to figure out how it all works after such a serious surgery. Believe me: I used to feel I’m no longer a woman after hysterectomy. I used to think that I will gain weight, shave my moustache and never ever have any pleasure from sexual intercourse. My rehabilitation period was tough, mostly psychologically. My two dearest men were the ones who didn’t let me sink in depression. My son and husband: the first one always kept me busy and demanded attention and the second one persistently reminded me that he still loves me, and even more than before. He thanked me for the son. He told it almost every day. He loves him immensely. He told that we will overcome all troubles together. I got used to my new condition. Still there was at least one advantage of that all: no regular bleeding. Hey, answer ladies: have you ever dreamt of it? At least once? Not to have menstrual bleeding. Never. Have you? Frankly speaking, I had. I used to have heavy and painful menstruation since high school. And yes, there were times when my inner voice told me: “I hate this all. I wish I never experience it again!”. My “dream” came true. However, in my 16 I hardly ever thought that no menstruation means no babies. This idea never came to my teen’s head. I still can’t understand why women are called “the weaker sex”. We experience these pains ever since our 13, then survive all 9 months of pregnancy with all that morning sickness, then 20+ kg weight gain, then painful delivery and rehab period, topped with all the difficulties of lactation. How can they call us “the weaker sex”? It puzzles me.

Brief note - the process started

I think I will keep it short today and with some good news. I got an email from my Biotexcom manager who supervises our surrogacy program. Our doctor considered my last ultrasound and confirmed on stimulation. Everything within the protocol they signed back then when we traveled there for the first time in summer. We start with Dipherelin. If I’m not mistaken, this means that we’re in long protocol (they also have a short protocol). I don’t know how they determine what type of protocol is best but I hope they know what they are doing. As I’ve told you already, our doctor there is Elene Mozgovaya MD. They ensured me that she is very skilled and have been working in this clinic for already many years and that her type of treatment usually shows good result. It’s very inspiring. Moreover, I’m happy she’s a woman. I don’t know why, but I don’t like male gynecologists. I know they say that a doctor is a human being without gender, but still. Everyone knows it not true. Moreover, it’s easier for a woman to understand another woman. I think so. And yes, it’s my, very very personal, point of view. Maybe I’m wrong. In any case, I think they don’t even have other male gynecologists there. At least we saw only women.

So my trigger shot of Dipherelin was yesterday. 3.75 one shot doze. Hopefully, my mother-in-law is a nurse and she agreed to do all those injections for me. It saves a lot of time and she is really very good at it. I almost felt nothing.

I was feeling well after injection but for headache. I think it’s due to the weather so I don’t associate it with injection itself. It’s impact on my body is quite profound so I was afraid of profound side effects. It’s the second day after injection and I’m feeling well. I hope this sets a good beginning to this big deal.

Have to close by now. My biscuit-tea break is coming to an end. My son is still sleeping but I want to have a fresh banana-cream dessert cooked for him when he wakes up. He likes banana. Ok, have to go.

I wish you a very warm weekend with your nearest and dearest. xxx

Waiting for the green light for stimulation

All the fuss around Halloween is left behind so I can take a moment and drop a line. Our party was quite fun… for children. They were the ones who really enjoyed the holiday. The costumes were all different and they looked really cute/scary in them. And yes, they gathered a lot of candies and sweets, and for my little one – it was a problem for me to explain that he can take only 1 candy per day. I think that stock will be enough for half a year for him. Other mothers were more liberate to their kids, I mean in respect of sweets, so Den felt a bit embarrassed because of it. In any case, they had a lot of fun. Daddy of one of the girls on the holiday dressed in this terrifying ghost costume and frightened the kids. They liked it, hopefully no one were scared, even the youngest on our party. They were rather to laugh loud and run away from the ghost. What else kids need?

Next day I had to visit my gynecologist. She checked me and made ultrasound. Everything seems to be within norm, she said. She said endometrium is 11 mm. I hope it’s okey. I had to send the ultrasound to my manager at Biotexcom. She then shows it to my doctor and she recommends the best day for dipherelin and ovulation stimulation trigger. As I’ve told you before, I have all the medications for stimulation. They gave me this huge pack on the first time we came to Kiev, just after all tests, checkups and signing contract. I hope they won’t change anything in my protocol. In any case, they assured me that even if I need any extra medications for stimulation, they can send it to me or I by it here in Norway and they give me money back when I travel the next time to Ukraine.

So, I’m waiting for their feedback and still keep learning more about the medications I was prescribed. As far as I understood, my protocol is more or less “mild” if it’s admissible to say so. I’ve communicated with ladies on the forums who have much more stimulation medications on their protocol. I don’t know if it’s good or bad. I know they need to have more than two eggs appropriate for fertilization after stimulation. I don’t know if with my mild scheme they will get as much as needed. From the other hand, there’s a scary word for me “hyperstimulation” and I hope that I won’t be running the risk of it. As far as I understood, the most important thing here is eggs retrieval procedure: it must be performed on the indicated date and time, otherwise there might be problems. I hope everything will be ok with time schedule. I don’t have worries about it.

You know, when we decided to go to Ukraine for our surrogacy procedure, I was a little bit afraid that they might have problems with medical equipment and sterility. You know, I knew not so much about this country before we travelled. Of course, I knew that it’s closer to Europe than for example Georgia or India and therehow it should be quite “European type”. From the other hand, I also knew that a few decades ago it used to be a Soviet country, thus leaving its imprint on the further destiny of this country. To tell you the truth, when we booked our air tickets, I didn’t know what to expect. In any case, I had good vibes. And they didn’t let me down. I didn’t see any dirty gloves of a nurse, or outdated equipment, you know – everything old and dirty. In reality, all the clinics we visited in Kiev looked very modern, both in exterior and interior. All equipment is new. Everyone who comes into the clinic puts boot covers on – everything is absolutely clean. All medical stuff wears very neat uniform with badges indicating their names. Nurses and doctors wear one shot sterile gloves. Taking samples of blood wasn’t painful at all. To sum up, the level of medical service is high and my suspicions as to non-sterility vanished. Finally, the clinic we signed up contract with deals exclusively with foreigners, mainly westerns, so they try to keep up with high requirements of their clients. I was surprised that they have managers speaking so many foreign languages from English to Chinese and Korean. What I didn’t like, though, is that managers at Biotexcom seem to be always in a hurry, always in fuss, because they have to consult several couples per day. I think the management of the clinic should think about expanding their manager’s stuff. In any case, they keep me updated via emails and I don’t experience any lack of communication by now.

So, I shall get their response soon and trigger my stimulation. They told that they already have a surrogate mother for us but we still know nothing about her. By the way, if you choose Ukraine for your surrogacy destination like we did, be ready that they don’t allow choosing surrogate there. You can meet her only after the 12^th weeks of pregnancy. Since it’s gestational surrogacy, surrogate mother won’t have any genetic relation to the baby. She just needs to be healthy and be compatible to your blood type. Also, you won’t be able to keep in touch with your surrogate directly, only with the help of manager who is in the meantime your translator. All surrogates are Ukrainian nationals, age between 18 and 39, have at least one healthy child of their own. They ensured us that they have very strict restrictions as to surrogate’s health. They also go through psychological checks ups. Of course, I’m interested to know who she is and how she looks like, but maybe they are right that this is not the most essential thing about our surrogacy process. If you will be opting donor eggs surrogacy, here the situation is absolutely different: you may choose your donor (sure, finally you choose who your baby will take after). Still I haven’t learn the process of choosing a donor very thoroughly because we’re opting on our own first. They gave us two attempts. If they won’t work, they will have to move to donor eggs. I hope sooo much that at least one of my two attempts will work.

Ok, I’ll close by now. As soon as I get any news from them, I’ll drop a line.

Have a very good day.

Xxx

Signing up contracts: costs, guarantees, number of attempts, payments and service included.

It’s 12^th day of my period and I’m starting stimulation this month. Hurray! Yeap, we’ve been matched with a surrogate mother (I still know absolutely nothing of who she is) and they synchronize our cycles. I have to do ultrasound in 6 days to ensure everything’s fine and I can start stimulation. It’s a long protocol starting from Dipherelin 3.75, one shot.  

Now I know it’s a high doze and I’m a bit afraid of side effects and how I will be feeling. From the other hand, I know that our doctor Elena is one of the leading specialists there in Biotexcom so I hope she knows what she is doing.

Surely, I’ll keep you updated on how we proceed, and now as I promised I’d like to tell you of how we finally made a choice, probably one of the most important choices in our whole life. These two days in Kiev were very busy but in the meantime very informative. It was not easy for us to make a choice, I must admit. All clinics we visited seemed quite good, modern and providing high level of service. Now the most crucial question was price and guarantees. Yes, guarantees. For newbies like me the category of “guarantee” sounded quite strange for a start. What guarantees do they mean? Ok, let me explain. It seemed that we were the only couple there who was opting surrogacy and knows nothing of what IVF is. Couple/women contacting fertility center for surrogacy usually have a background of a row of unsuccessful treatments: IUI (intra-uterine insemination), IVFs, donor egg IVFs, and even surrogacy attempts. With all those failures, they wasted time and money. That’s why guarantee of having a baby is so important to them. You know, we met a very kind couple from Denmark there in the clinic. They had 6 unsuccessful attempts of ivfs (both donor and own eggs) and trying to conceive for almost 10 years. I felt really sorry for them. I can’t even imagine how painful it might be. Now they switched to surrogacy. They told me that they had signed with this clinic mainly because they provide unlimited number of attempts for fixed price. In this particular case – donor eggs surrogacy. The same is provided by our contract. The only difference is that I give my own eggs. I go through hormonal stimulation. They can’t stimulate me endlessly. Thus, in case it won’t work from the first two attempts, they will have to shift for donor eggs. They told us that if we desperately want it to be our eggs with no shift to donor eggs, we’d better choose single attempt surrogacy program. It costs less but no guarantees, as you understand. Just one shot. Like a Russian roulette. Of course, I desperately want my future baby to be genetically connected to me. But losing money and flying away with big fat negative was also not a great prospective for us. We signed up for unlimited number of attempts: two attempts on my own with further transfer to donor eggs. Still hope so-so-so MUCH that our two attempts will work. I will do everything possible and impossible for this.

They offered us to choose between three contracts. The cheapest one is Economy package, cost 29 900 euro. Then comes Standard package – 39 900, and VIP package 49 900. All three are “all-inclusive” and provide guaranteed success. All legal and medical expenses are covered in each package, as well surrogate mother and egg donor fees (in case of egg donation). In economy package, you will have to cover all expenses in case of premature birth. Also, if pregnancy due to certain conditions stops after the 12^th week (very unlikely, still may happen), you pay compensation to a surrogate mother – 6 k euro. With Standard package, the clinic covers all these expenses (premature birth and pregnancy loss after 12 week). It may sound a bit too complicated to figure this all out, I know. We read all those contacts several times and asked dozens of questions before we could finally digest information and take a certain decision. With VIP contract, it’s easier – your contact is ultimately all inclusive: no extra charges, luxurious separate accommodation, business car transfers and personal driver, Ukrainian mobile phone, baby sitter, pediatrician and even all baby stuff you need. I think this package enables you with much more privilege, however we didn’t consider this package as an option for us mainly because of the price. So obviously I can’t be a very good counselor as to this particular package. I’m sure it’s more than great, but still we were choosing between economy and standard. We finally signed up for the last one. For us, it seemed to be a perfect combination of price and quality. Also, with this contact they provide better and more spacious accommodation which was a very important criteria for us because next times we will be travelling with our 3 (almost 4) year old son and he needs a separate bedroom.

It seems that I forgot to mention that no matter what package you choose, they provide airport pickup, transfers, interpreter service and even meals. I find it rather comfortable. We spoke with those who are already parenting babies there in biotex (waiting for all their papers to be ready for leaving back home which may take a month or two, so be ready). They said that it’s so comfortable: they have a maid who cleans the house and cooks fresh meals so that you can concentrate on your baby with no extra fuss.

Having made the first payment of 8 k euro, we we’ve been waiting for a match with gestational carrier for around 10 weeks. Our next payment (7 900 euro) is scheduled on the day of eggs retrieval. I’m still very overwhelmed, a bit worried about hormonal stimulation (mainly because I’m afraid to do anything wrong) and afraid of eggs retrieval surgery in general. But still I have this very warm feeling deep in my heart that it will work for us. 

PS: the photo attached is our hotel room provided by the clinic we’ve been staying at in Kiev

First trip to Kiev

Our first flight to Kiev was hectic. First of all, we hardly were on time for flight check in. Martin was to set off just after his business meeting. It took him longer than he expected so I thought we’d be late. We were the last ones to check in. My nervousness doubled. This time I was afraid the representative of clinic won’t meet us at the airport because we landed almost at midnight. Still they did. We made appointments with three clinics in Kiev. Biotexcom clinic, the first one we visited, offered us free airport pickup and accommodation. It made our journey less stressful as everything was planned for us. They took care about everything. The next day, their driver waited us at the set time near our hotel to take us to the clinic. So, Biotexcom was the first one on our itinerary. First impression: located not far from the city center, small separate building that looks like a fairy take castle, not a hint of hi-tech style. 

It’s located on a picturesque hill with beautiful views on the city. Interiors are very simple and plain. The clinic’s hall was crowded and some people even had no place to have a seat. We were met by our English speaking manager Anastasia. She was very busy, though, since we were not the only one couple with her that day. She invited us to a separate room with comfy upholstered chairs. She answered all our questions and we had a lot. She explained the peculiarities of each surrogacy package. They have three major packages. I’ll get it in more details the next time, if you don’t mind. Today I would like to share my general impression on the city and reproductive clinics we visited.

Ok, we thanked Anastasia for taking time and explaining everything to us. We told her that we were going to visit two other clinics. She didn’t mind and even helped us to get a cab. Our next destination was Ilaya clinic. It took us around 20 minutes to get there by car. As far as I understood, it’s located in the suburbs of Kiev. First impression was very good. Interiors are luxurious, hi-tech and seem to be very expensive. Equipment and furniture is brand new. There’re a lot of places where you can have a seat, watch TV or read a magazine (as I’ve told you already, in the first clinic having a seat was a problem as they have only one sofa for all the clients).

Unlike Biotexcom and despite of all its glory, Ilaya seemed to be deserted. The only patients I saw there were locals, no Europeans or other foreigners met. We saw a local lady (obviously patient) who was definitely not happy with something so they had rows with some lady from admiration. The reception girl we were talking to was not very good in English so it took them time to understand what we want. However, they invited us to a small room in white-green colors and offered some tea with biscuits. That was nice because we were already very hungry (they took our blood samples in the first clinic). Our manager came in around 10 minutes. It was a young and very beautiful lady. She told about all advantages of the clinic however the information on the fees was quite obscure. I don’t like it actually. To sum up, Ilaya also provides foreign patients with accommodation and translator. The minimum cost of surrogacy there is around 40k euro and is not final. All meds and possible risks like premature birth are not covered by your contract. We had to figure this out, but still there was one more clinic on our agenda. We took all those brochures and papers from Ilaya and asked them where we can have a lunch. They advised us Ukrainian food restaurant and even booked a table for us. Oh, I love this country for it. They all seem very responsive.

The restaurant was very cozy and service was quick. However, as to the food actually - Ukrainian food seemed too greasy for me. IMO. Coffee was great, though. The prices are minor if compared to our Norwegian ones. The same with taxi and public transport. 10-15 minutes taxi ride costs around 3 euro. Our restaurant lunch bill was around 10 euro. Street food is also everywhere, so you can have a bite any time. 

In restaurants, some staff speaks English and they even have their menu in English. It came as a surprise for me.

Ok, now about Victoria clinic, our last destination. It’s located in the historical part of the city. We were astonished by architecture. In the meantime, history is combined with modern streams. The clinic seemed rather small to me. Interiors and equipment seemed to be not brand new like in Ilaya still quite normal.  

We were kindly met and immediately invited to a meeting room with coffee and biscuits again. The manager spoke English very well. She was not very talkative, though. The key thing for me about this clinic was that they take care only of medical part of surrogacy program. No legal service provided, as well as they won’t help you get official papers for the baby when he or she is born. It’s not their business. Should we have run such risk? No. 

How it all started

It’s chilling outside. It gets colder each day. Time to think, take care of yourself and of your home. I decided to reset my consciousness after a row of these very stressful and painful events. I asked my mom to stay with Den and drove to the nearest IKEA store. New kitchen curtains and towels, and also toy boxes for my son – done. Feeling a little bit better now. You know, I can’t understand what’s the magic about it. Shopping really helps me to fight stress. A weird thing.

Apart of all that, I’ve been surfing the net a lot recently, reading doctors’ and other patients stories, blogs and recommendations before starting my first ivf. I still have a lot of questions in my head. I look at this huge pack of medications they gave me. Truly speaking it frightens me a bit.  As I’ve told you before, my son was conceived naturally (the second months we’ve been trying to conceive). I knew that a lot of couples keep trying months and years, so I was surprised when I saw these desired two fat lines on the pregnancy test. Actually, I felt I was pregnant even before the test. Then, when I noticed the period is 1-2 days missing, I realized this is it. Things changed greatly since then. Hopefully, I have a doctor to treat me with a very beautiful name Elena. My future mothering is in her hands.

Ok, it seems that it’s high time to tell you about how our fertility journey started. As I’ve told you already, I’m from Norway. Surrogacy is prohibited by law here, unfortunately. Ethics are ethics, religion is religion, but still… have Norwegian politicians thought of women like me? Nope.  Anyways, this is another story.

Obviously, from the time we both decided on trying surrogacy, we knew we would go internationally. We google searched a lot, registered on fertility forums and asked other couple’s opinion. Our research brought us to two options: Georgia and Ukraine. These countries have the best surrogacy conditions and guarantees for intended parents. At first we thought to contact an intermediary agency. We thought we would be more protected if we proceed with the agency. We contacted a few ones. What we found is that they take big fees for their service. I asked my forum friends how safe it is to deal directly with fertility clinic, omitting all mediators. Those who dealt with clinic directly told us that it saves a lot of money and even time, as you can speak directly with clinic’s manager and make appointments when it’s comfy for you. Also, even before you travel for the first time, you can ask manager all questions you have. (I had dozens of questions). And the money aspect – you pay initial price established by the clinic, no overcharging.

The next step was studying local surrogacy legislation. Surrogacy legislation in both countries we were opting is quite favourable for intended parents. They have specific set of laws to protect IPs’ rights and the rights of SM (surrogate mother).  Intended mother shall provide medical certificate proving her disability to carry pregnancy on her own. Restrictions for SMs are also set by law: age 18-39, being absolutely healthy and having at least one healthy child. What we liked and what was obviously one of the most crucial points in legislation aspect is that SM has no right to change her mind and keep the baby after delivery. IPs are considered biological parents of the child. Birth certificate is issued with the name of IPs as parents, no name of SM mentioned. It was very important for me.

The second serious thing to consider was contract conditions and fees. I found reproductive clinics’ directory on the web with their contact info and websites. Some websites provided service and price info, some didn’t, so I had to email them. The prices are different. Conditions are different, too. My advice on it: when considering surrogacy fees, ask your consultant if the price is final and what extra fees are, if any? Also, consider the number of attempts they provide. It may be only one attempt (no matter own or donor eggs), several attempts or endless number of attempts. Also ask if medications are covered by your contract. What I’ve noticed, is that some clinics assign lower price, but then it will be doubled with costs of all medications needed. So please mind this.

Finally, we decided to proceed with Ukrainian clinics, firstly based on lots of positive reviews and surrogacy experience in this country, secondly on its geographical location. It’s cheaper and quicker for us to travel to Ukraine than to Georgia.

To sum up, we chose three clinics we would like to visit in Kiev, the capital city of Ukraine. We booked our air tickets. We asked my parents to stay with Den during our travel. We had just two days to stay there and take decision, so I knew it’d be an exhausting time. Ok, we made appointment with three clinics. Initial consultations were for free. Thus, we got our bags packed and we were impatiently waiting for our first trip. 

The best is yet to come

Is there anyone waiting for these weekends more than I do?

This is going to be a great time. You may call me a lazybone but I’m looking forward to a very relaxed and free of any duties weekend. Why? My parents are taking my son to their place for the whole weekend so that me and my husband could have all the time in the world together. We’re always busy working that’s why such moments “just for ourselves” are so rare and so long-awaited by us. Of course, we’ll be missing Den. Anyways, I know he’ll have a gorgeous time with grandparents and his cousins. Yes, they are gathering a small kindergarten there! My parents love gathering all their grandchildren from time to time at their place. My dad has so many games to play with them and my mom, she cooks gorgeous pies that they love so much. Oh, I love them too but I’m no longer three years old to eat them as much as I want (age is taking its toll and now I have to be very picky in what and how much I eat).

There is one secret reason for why I’m keeping strict and very healthy diet now. Are you interested to know? I know that very soon I’ll be stimulated for eggs growing in my ovaries that will be used for our first IVF ever. If you read my previous posting, you may already know that I had my uterus removed after the first natural delivery. We took courage and applied for surrogacy program! Own eggs surrogacy! Yeah, they approved me for own eggs stimulation! Luckily, my ovaries still function ok. They checked my hormones, ovarian reserve and did blood tests (both to me and husband). All exams were fine and they gave green light for two IVF surrogacy attempts on our own genetic material. This is a long story to tell and this is actually why I started this blog.

We met a lot of new and unknown things in the sphere of reproductive medicine we were absolutely unaware before. Yeah, they really do miracles! They help even in the worst cases of infertility. They know how to omit genetic diseases. They can choose baby’s sex. They can fertilize woman even in menopause! And even more importantly – they can transfer my own embryo to a healthy woman who will give birth to my baby!

We have already signed our contract and currently we’re waiting for a proper surrogate for us. We couldn’t choose the surrogate. Our clinic’s doctors choose surrogates based on medical criteria. They told that her health is all that matters. Ok, perhaps this makes sense. As for us, we got instructions on dieting and vitamins during this period. They gave me this huge pack of medications for ovulation stimulation so we’re waiting for their green light to start.

Are we overwhelmed? Like we were never before!

From total despair to faint hope

Hi. This is my first blog ever so please don’t judge too strictly.

Probably, I’m neither William Shakespeare nor Pablo Coelho but I know letters and I have what to tell you. Is this enough for starting a blog? You tell me.

To begin with, let me give some insight information about me, my family and reasons for writing this. I’m a mother of three year old toddler and a wife of my dear husband. My name is Agnete. My family lives in Oslo, Norway. We enjoy travelling, mountain skiing, paintball and eating out. We don’t have a lot of friends but those who are inside our family circle are our dearest people in the world. We run our small business, work hard and play hard as well. In general, we are a typical family of three, loving and caring to each other. But! It seems that happiness is always bitter sweet, unfortunately. I paid my dues for mothering. I gave birth to my dear son and on the same day the doctors let me know that I will never be able to have more children. This was the happiest and yet the saddest day ever. Due to a big rupture they had to remove my womb. They were very afraid to tell it to me and we right. My postpartum depression was multiplied with real grieve now. Why? Why me? What will my man say? Will he still love me knowing that I’m infertile? So many questions were running through my head. My husband was also shocked. I know he had a tough talk to a doctor. Well, it was a very sad page in our both lives. Our delight was our baby boy who day by day helped us recover and slip away from the problem. The scars healed, the baby was growing and it seemed that we survived all that.

For almost three years we were afraid to talk to each other about it again. I don’t even remember who was brave enough to talk first. It seems that this thought was maturating in our heads for a while. We just understood that despite of all this, we still want to have more kids as we always were dreaming of. My husband and I, we both come from big families. I have a brother and my husband (his name is Martin, btw) has two siblings. So having 2+ kids was like a matter of course for us. On that day he told that he wants a daughter and a sister to our little baby boy. At that time, I already knew that we could use surrogacy but I couldn’t even imagine that we would ever talk about it that seriously.