Everyone knows and everyone cares

The last several months were as if not from my life: sometimes it seemed to me that I’ll wake up one day and find out that it was just a dream. At times, it was scary, at times it was incredibly tough, at times I felt as if I’m helpless and losing every little hint of hope.

However, things turned out to be maybe even better than we initially expected. Yes, yes, it’s a bit tough for me to confess but we didn’t expect that our surrogate will get pregnant from the very first attempt. Just imagine: our first IVF ever. I know that so many people keep trying again and again and nothing works so I was very afraid of failure. I know this is not right. After all, hope and positive approach is above everything else, but having heard some stories of recurrent unsuccessful IVFs we just didn’t want to be disappointed at once. And please don’t throw stones at me. It was a tough time both for me and for all of my family: tiring flights to Kiev, waiting, first hormonal stimulation with dozens of painful injections, painful surgery of eggs retrieval and then waiting again. Getting our positive beta test from Biotexcom clinic was really the sweetest and the most expectant present we could ever get for Christmas. Ok, and then waiting again (let’s not forget about this most essential part of our surrogacy journey). They said that normally they do first ultrasound two weeks after beta test but in our case it was several days earlier (am I that lucky again?). They say everything’s fine and they will keep monitoring our surrogate mother and her pregnancy.

Of course, it’s too soon to say “done” because the first trimester of pregnancy is so fragile. I know it from my personal experience: when I was pregnant with Den I was hospitalized with slight bleeding. It was on the 9^th week of pregnancy. They said I was running through a big risk of placental abruption and thus losing pregnancy. Hopefully, we called the doctor at once and they did everything possible to save pregnancy. So I know very well how it feels and what it really is.

That’s why I keep thinking about that woman whom I still don’t know but who carries my baby. She definitely has her own child/children because this is their requirement for intended surrogate mothers. So I hope she cares well of herself and my baby as much as she cared about her own pregnancy.

Loads of love on all of you!

One year older

Hi, it’s my birthday today! Don’t think that I’m asking for congratulations, but this is just how my day started: a handmade postcard from my boy, coffee in bed from by man and blood test results and scans in my laptop. Nothing special. Just an ordinary beginning of a day! Joking! Just all in one: you know, I have a bunch of feelings starting from anxiety and immense thrill to this very warm feeling of comfort and hope when your two dearest men care about you on your especial day. That’s awesome. This combination of feelings paints my day in richer colors even since the early morning. 

Honestly, I’m not a big fan of my birthdays. This feeling got even more vivid when I passed over 30 years margin. It’s like: “Ok, let’s celebrate! I’m getting older! Congratulations!”. In fact, I know that these are the thoughts of a worn out crone so I keep them locked in my mind and no one will ever hear them (may be but for reading as exception?). Sorry for grumbling.

We gonna have a small family celebration this night and large party with friends and relatives tomorrow evening. My husband is cooking dinner today, he said. He hardly ever cooks but there are a few recipes he perfectly mastered. So he gives me some breaks from cooking, usually on our special occasions like today. It’s especially important for me now when I seem to be dissolved in preparation to my upcoming medical procedures.

So I got the tests and ultrasound done. I have already sent them to my clinic’s manager and wait for their feedback. I should start ovulation induction medications soon. As I’ve told you in my previous posting, it’s hard for me to determine the day of my menstrual cycle because I have no regular bleedings. To know the exact day of the cycle, they take my blood for hormonal tests: luteinizing and follicle-stimulating hormones. On forums, you will encounter just abbreviations LH and FSH respectively. Knowing their levels, they can tell precisely the day of my period. Also progesterone, estrogene and anti-mullerian hormone once again (this one stands for AMH). The last time they checked it when I applied for surrogacy program back in July. It was 3,2 back then. They said it’s good result. This time it was 2,8. It’s obviously a bit worse but they say still ok. As far as I understood, the value depends on the day of the period and on some other factors. In any case, I’m sure I will get all the blood tests again when I travel to Kiev for eggs retrieval. There they will also take additional tests such as coagulogram (how quick my blood coagulates), and hormones again. In fact, I will need to come to Kiev several days before the surgery for them to monitor my state, the way the follicles grow, choose the best time for surgery, and of course in order to omit hyperstimulation (which is another terrifying word for me in this assisted reproduction vocabulary). It’s a very dangerous complication of stimulation (or this is just specific side effect or individual body reaction on medications). Ok, I’m not a master of explaining intricate medical terms, but I know that it’s probably the worst thing that may accompany hormonal stimulation for follicles. You know, when I saw my protocol of stimulation first, it was hard to evaluate it for me. I mean to give my own estimation as to how long it is and if they prescribe too little medications or vice versa a lot of them. Now when I got to read so many articles, blogs and communicated on forums with ladies who have/had similar treatment, I realize that I don’t have much medications. I have only one gonadotropin called Merional (intramuscular injections), Metipred (tablets), and vitamins (folic acid and Vitamin E). I know they may still add certain medications when they get my recent tests. Still I’m a bit concerned of having only one gonadotropin prescribed. Will it be enough to induce superovulation in me? To get many eggs of good quality? I know these question shouldn’t come to my mind since I have a doctor to care about all those aspects, but still – I’m a woman and when it deals with my future offspring I have to be maximally aware of the situation. I hope they know what they are doing.

Have a great day and loads of love on you!

I’ll drop a line as soon as I get updates.

Do you know how it feels?

It’s the seventh day after Dipherelin injection. It seems I’m feeling quite well. I’ve read some clutchy stories of how women feel after this medication: from dizziness to severe cramps and vomiting. As a newbie, I was really scared of it. Moreover, the doze is quite high (I had 3.75). I used to have headache, though. Apart of that, the place where I had injection to also used to ache for around two or three days (sorry for intimate details, but it’s in the bottom). I also felt some drawing pain in my right ovary but it was very occasional and not severe. I hope that my body’s reaction can be called good reaction, after all. Most women say that their period starts in a few days after the injection. Most women indicate their new period with menstrual bleeding. In my case, it’s a bit more complicated. I can’t have bleeding. If you remember my first posting, I had hysterectomy after my first baby was born. It was almost 4 years ago. It was partial hysterectomy: they removed uterus, but my ovaries were left (hopefully). Since then my menstruation is never accompanied with bleeding. But still I have it. I know it might sound a bit weird, but it’s just about elementary anatomy: no uterus, no endometrium, no bleeding. Still I have periods more or less similar to what a normal lady my age has. Despite of the surgery, my ovaries function ok and still produce all female hormones needed for my normal existing. However, just after the surgery and up to 3 months I had to take hormonal medicines together with a lot of other medications needed for my rehab. Since then my period day can be indicated only with the help of blood tests. However, I often feel ovulation and PMS even without tests. Hormones are still striking my brain and I still can be a real scratch-cat a couple of days prior to new cycle. I know it might be hard to figure out how it all works after such a serious surgery. Believe me: I used to feel I’m no longer a woman after hysterectomy. I used to think that I will gain weight, shave my moustache and never ever have any pleasure from sexual intercourse. My rehabilitation period was tough, mostly psychologically. My two dearest men were the ones who didn’t let me sink in depression. My son and husband: the first one always kept me busy and demanded attention and the second one persistently reminded me that he still loves me, and even more than before. He thanked me for the son. He told it almost every day. He loves him immensely. He told that we will overcome all troubles together. I got used to my new condition. Still there was at least one advantage of that all: no regular bleeding. Hey, answer ladies: have you ever dreamt of it? At least once? Not to have menstrual bleeding. Never. Have you? Frankly speaking, I had. I used to have heavy and painful menstruation since high school. And yes, there were times when my inner voice told me: “I hate this all. I wish I never experience it again!”. My “dream” came true. However, in my 16 I hardly ever thought that no menstruation means no babies. This idea never came to my teen’s head. I still can’t understand why women are called “the weaker sex”. We experience these pains ever since our 13, then survive all 9 months of pregnancy with all that morning sickness, then 20+ kg weight gain, then painful delivery and rehab period, topped with all the difficulties of lactation. How can they call us “the weaker sex”? It puzzles me.

Waiting for the green light for stimulation

All the fuss around Halloween is left behind so I can take a moment and drop a line. Our party was quite fun… for children. They were the ones who really enjoyed the holiday. The costumes were all different and they looked really cute/scary in them. And yes, they gathered a lot of candies and sweets, and for my little one – it was a problem for me to explain that he can take only 1 candy per day. I think that stock will be enough for half a year for him. Other mothers were more liberate to their kids, I mean in respect of sweets, so Den felt a bit embarrassed because of it. In any case, they had a lot of fun. Daddy of one of the girls on the holiday dressed in this terrifying ghost costume and frightened the kids. They liked it, hopefully no one were scared, even the youngest on our party. They were rather to laugh loud and run away from the ghost. What else kids need?

Next day I had to visit my gynecologist. She checked me and made ultrasound. Everything seems to be within norm, she said. She said endometrium is 11 mm. I hope it’s okey. I had to send the ultrasound to my manager at Biotexcom. She then shows it to my doctor and she recommends the best day for dipherelin and ovulation stimulation trigger. As I’ve told you before, I have all the medications for stimulation. They gave me this huge pack on the first time we came to Kiev, just after all tests, checkups and signing contract. I hope they won’t change anything in my protocol. In any case, they assured me that even if I need any extra medications for stimulation, they can send it to me or I by it here in Norway and they give me money back when I travel the next time to Ukraine.

So, I’m waiting for their feedback and still keep learning more about the medications I was prescribed. As far as I understood, my protocol is more or less “mild” if it’s admissible to say so. I’ve communicated with ladies on the forums who have much more stimulation medications on their protocol. I don’t know if it’s good or bad. I know they need to have more than two eggs appropriate for fertilization after stimulation. I don’t know if with my mild scheme they will get as much as needed. From the other hand, there’s a scary word for me “hyperstimulation” and I hope that I won’t be running the risk of it. As far as I understood, the most important thing here is eggs retrieval procedure: it must be performed on the indicated date and time, otherwise there might be problems. I hope everything will be ok with time schedule. I don’t have worries about it.

You know, when we decided to go to Ukraine for our surrogacy procedure, I was a little bit afraid that they might have problems with medical equipment and sterility. You know, I knew not so much about this country before we travelled. Of course, I knew that it’s closer to Europe than for example Georgia or India and therehow it should be quite “European type”. From the other hand, I also knew that a few decades ago it used to be a Soviet country, thus leaving its imprint on the further destiny of this country. To tell you the truth, when we booked our air tickets, I didn’t know what to expect. In any case, I had good vibes. And they didn’t let me down. I didn’t see any dirty gloves of a nurse, or outdated equipment, you know – everything old and dirty. In reality, all the clinics we visited in Kiev looked very modern, both in exterior and interior. All equipment is new. Everyone who comes into the clinic puts boot covers on – everything is absolutely clean. All medical stuff wears very neat uniform with badges indicating their names. Nurses and doctors wear one shot sterile gloves. Taking samples of blood wasn’t painful at all. To sum up, the level of medical service is high and my suspicions as to non-sterility vanished. Finally, the clinic we signed up contract with deals exclusively with foreigners, mainly westerns, so they try to keep up with high requirements of their clients. I was surprised that they have managers speaking so many foreign languages from English to Chinese and Korean. What I didn’t like, though, is that managers at Biotexcom seem to be always in a hurry, always in fuss, because they have to consult several couples per day. I think the management of the clinic should think about expanding their manager’s stuff. In any case, they keep me updated via emails and I don’t experience any lack of communication by now.

So, I shall get their response soon and trigger my stimulation. They told that they already have a surrogate mother for us but we still know nothing about her. By the way, if you choose Ukraine for your surrogacy destination like we did, be ready that they don’t allow choosing surrogate there. You can meet her only after the 12^th weeks of pregnancy. Since it’s gestational surrogacy, surrogate mother won’t have any genetic relation to the baby. She just needs to be healthy and be compatible to your blood type. Also, you won’t be able to keep in touch with your surrogate directly, only with the help of manager who is in the meantime your translator. All surrogates are Ukrainian nationals, age between 18 and 39, have at least one healthy child of their own. They ensured us that they have very strict restrictions as to surrogate’s health. They also go through psychological checks ups. Of course, I’m interested to know who she is and how she looks like, but maybe they are right that this is not the most essential thing about our surrogacy process. If you will be opting donor eggs surrogacy, here the situation is absolutely different: you may choose your donor (sure, finally you choose who your baby will take after). Still I haven’t learn the process of choosing a donor very thoroughly because we’re opting on our own first. They gave us two attempts. If they won’t work, they will have to move to donor eggs. I hope sooo much that at least one of my two attempts will work.

Ok, I’ll close by now. As soon as I get any news from them, I’ll drop a line.

Have a very good day.

Xxx

Looking forward to fussy weekend and very important Monday scan

It’s all the fuss about Halloween. Frankly speaking, I’m not a great fan of big holidays. Really. Some of my friends think I’m kind of weird in this thing. Everyone gets crazy about any single reason to celebrate and gather together with friends. I also like family and friends reunions, though. For me, they are not necessarily associated with any particular holidays. Do I need a reason to visit a friend of mine? No. Does she need a reason to call on me? No. Despite of having very positive intention, holidays still get this all stressed out. In any case, Halloween is approaching and we were invited to our best friends place to celebrate. She has three children: 10, 8 and 3 years old. Actually, her younger son is the best friend to my Den. My friend whose name is Astrid likes to cook and she cooks a lot. My role in this “universe chaos” celebration is in decorating the house and entertaining kids. Some of the games are known to us from the previous celebrations, some will be new. In any case, I think all that matters for a kid on this fussy day is his most scary costume in the world. Last year Den was in this skeleton costume which this year is too short and too tight for him. So we ordered a new one. This time it’s Batman. Ha! He looks rather cute in it, I must admit. We chose it together. Yeah, my kid is growing older and I no longer can take decisions on my own (a bitter sweet feeling).

Another stressful thing about this terrific holiday is “treat”. Yes, the essence of all this carnival. I know everyone will give them candies and I’m a crazy mom up to this point. You see, my son in his 3 years old already has cavities in 4(!) teeth and had one of the cavities stuffed just a month ago. I think his teeth are very bad genetically (from his father) and he is very apt to cavities. I’m crazy about oral hygiene that’s why candies are a forbidden fruit for my little one. On holidays, the situation always gets out of control (another reason why I’m very biased regarding holidays).

Ok, there are times when you just have to yield and let it go. Children love this holiday immensely so let them just enjoy. As for me, I know that I will have quite different thoughts running through my head when everyone will be freaking it out. My ultrasound is scheduled on Monday and it will determine the day of stimulation trigger. And one more thing to tell you: I’m not afraid anymore! I’m so resolute to start like I was never before. I still have no idea of how I will be feeling but I’ve also heard from more experienced ladies in all this assisted reproduction that the medicines on my protocol are safe and usually show great results. I also know that much depends on my attitude to the whole thing happening. That’s why I decided to take emotions under control and send my positive vibes to the universe to attract success to my surrogacy treatment.

Happy Halloween everyone! 

Signing up contracts: costs, guarantees, number of attempts, payments and service included.

It’s 12^th day of my period and I’m starting stimulation this month. Hurray! Yeap, we’ve been matched with a surrogate mother (I still know absolutely nothing of who she is) and they synchronize our cycles. I have to do ultrasound in 6 days to ensure everything’s fine and I can start stimulation. It’s a long protocol starting from Dipherelin 3.75, one shot.  

Now I know it’s a high doze and I’m a bit afraid of side effects and how I will be feeling. From the other hand, I know that our doctor Elena is one of the leading specialists there in Biotexcom so I hope she knows what she is doing.

Surely, I’ll keep you updated on how we proceed, and now as I promised I’d like to tell you of how we finally made a choice, probably one of the most important choices in our whole life. These two days in Kiev were very busy but in the meantime very informative. It was not easy for us to make a choice, I must admit. All clinics we visited seemed quite good, modern and providing high level of service. Now the most crucial question was price and guarantees. Yes, guarantees. For newbies like me the category of “guarantee” sounded quite strange for a start. What guarantees do they mean? Ok, let me explain. It seemed that we were the only couple there who was opting surrogacy and knows nothing of what IVF is. Couple/women contacting fertility center for surrogacy usually have a background of a row of unsuccessful treatments: IUI (intra-uterine insemination), IVFs, donor egg IVFs, and even surrogacy attempts. With all those failures, they wasted time and money. That’s why guarantee of having a baby is so important to them. You know, we met a very kind couple from Denmark there in the clinic. They had 6 unsuccessful attempts of ivfs (both donor and own eggs) and trying to conceive for almost 10 years. I felt really sorry for them. I can’t even imagine how painful it might be. Now they switched to surrogacy. They told me that they had signed with this clinic mainly because they provide unlimited number of attempts for fixed price. In this particular case – donor eggs surrogacy. The same is provided by our contract. The only difference is that I give my own eggs. I go through hormonal stimulation. They can’t stimulate me endlessly. Thus, in case it won’t work from the first two attempts, they will have to shift for donor eggs. They told us that if we desperately want it to be our eggs with no shift to donor eggs, we’d better choose single attempt surrogacy program. It costs less but no guarantees, as you understand. Just one shot. Like a Russian roulette. Of course, I desperately want my future baby to be genetically connected to me. But losing money and flying away with big fat negative was also not a great prospective for us. We signed up for unlimited number of attempts: two attempts on my own with further transfer to donor eggs. Still hope so-so-so MUCH that our two attempts will work. I will do everything possible and impossible for this.

They offered us to choose between three contracts. The cheapest one is Economy package, cost 29 900 euro. Then comes Standard package – 39 900, and VIP package 49 900. All three are “all-inclusive” and provide guaranteed success. All legal and medical expenses are covered in each package, as well surrogate mother and egg donor fees (in case of egg donation). In economy package, you will have to cover all expenses in case of premature birth. Also, if pregnancy due to certain conditions stops after the 12^th week (very unlikely, still may happen), you pay compensation to a surrogate mother – 6 k euro. With Standard package, the clinic covers all these expenses (premature birth and pregnancy loss after 12 week). It may sound a bit too complicated to figure this all out, I know. We read all those contacts several times and asked dozens of questions before we could finally digest information and take a certain decision. With VIP contract, it’s easier – your contact is ultimately all inclusive: no extra charges, luxurious separate accommodation, business car transfers and personal driver, Ukrainian mobile phone, baby sitter, pediatrician and even all baby stuff you need. I think this package enables you with much more privilege, however we didn’t consider this package as an option for us mainly because of the price. So obviously I can’t be a very good counselor as to this particular package. I’m sure it’s more than great, but still we were choosing between economy and standard. We finally signed up for the last one. For us, it seemed to be a perfect combination of price and quality. Also, with this contact they provide better and more spacious accommodation which was a very important criteria for us because next times we will be travelling with our 3 (almost 4) year old son and he needs a separate bedroom.

It seems that I forgot to mention that no matter what package you choose, they provide airport pickup, transfers, interpreter service and even meals. I find it rather comfortable. We spoke with those who are already parenting babies there in biotex (waiting for all their papers to be ready for leaving back home which may take a month or two, so be ready). They said that it’s so comfortable: they have a maid who cleans the house and cooks fresh meals so that you can concentrate on your baby with no extra fuss.

Having made the first payment of 8 k euro, we we’ve been waiting for a match with gestational carrier for around 10 weeks. Our next payment (7 900 euro) is scheduled on the day of eggs retrieval. I’m still very overwhelmed, a bit worried about hormonal stimulation (mainly because I’m afraid to do anything wrong) and afraid of eggs retrieval surgery in general. But still I have this very warm feeling deep in my heart that it will work for us. 

PS: the photo attached is our hotel room provided by the clinic we’ve been staying at in Kiev

First trip to Kiev

Our first flight to Kiev was hectic. First of all, we hardly were on time for flight check in. Martin was to set off just after his business meeting. It took him longer than he expected so I thought we’d be late. We were the last ones to check in. My nervousness doubled. This time I was afraid the representative of clinic won’t meet us at the airport because we landed almost at midnight. Still they did. We made appointments with three clinics in Kiev. Biotexcom clinic, the first one we visited, offered us free airport pickup and accommodation. It made our journey less stressful as everything was planned for us. They took care about everything. The next day, their driver waited us at the set time near our hotel to take us to the clinic. So, Biotexcom was the first one on our itinerary. First impression: located not far from the city center, small separate building that looks like a fairy take castle, not a hint of hi-tech style. 

It’s located on a picturesque hill with beautiful views on the city. Interiors are very simple and plain. The clinic’s hall was crowded and some people even had no place to have a seat. We were met by our English speaking manager Anastasia. She was very busy, though, since we were not the only one couple with her that day. She invited us to a separate room with comfy upholstered chairs. She answered all our questions and we had a lot. She explained the peculiarities of each surrogacy package. They have three major packages. I’ll get it in more details the next time, if you don’t mind. Today I would like to share my general impression on the city and reproductive clinics we visited.

Ok, we thanked Anastasia for taking time and explaining everything to us. We told her that we were going to visit two other clinics. She didn’t mind and even helped us to get a cab. Our next destination was Ilaya clinic. It took us around 20 minutes to get there by car. As far as I understood, it’s located in the suburbs of Kiev. First impression was very good. Interiors are luxurious, hi-tech and seem to be very expensive. Equipment and furniture is brand new. There’re a lot of places where you can have a seat, watch TV or read a magazine (as I’ve told you already, in the first clinic having a seat was a problem as they have only one sofa for all the clients).

Unlike Biotexcom and despite of all its glory, Ilaya seemed to be deserted. The only patients I saw there were locals, no Europeans or other foreigners met. We saw a local lady (obviously patient) who was definitely not happy with something so they had rows with some lady from admiration. The reception girl we were talking to was not very good in English so it took them time to understand what we want. However, they invited us to a small room in white-green colors and offered some tea with biscuits. That was nice because we were already very hungry (they took our blood samples in the first clinic). Our manager came in around 10 minutes. It was a young and very beautiful lady. She told about all advantages of the clinic however the information on the fees was quite obscure. I don’t like it actually. To sum up, Ilaya also provides foreign patients with accommodation and translator. The minimum cost of surrogacy there is around 40k euro and is not final. All meds and possible risks like premature birth are not covered by your contract. We had to figure this out, but still there was one more clinic on our agenda. We took all those brochures and papers from Ilaya and asked them where we can have a lunch. They advised us Ukrainian food restaurant and even booked a table for us. Oh, I love this country for it. They all seem very responsive.

The restaurant was very cozy and service was quick. However, as to the food actually - Ukrainian food seemed too greasy for me. IMO. Coffee was great, though. The prices are minor if compared to our Norwegian ones. The same with taxi and public transport. 10-15 minutes taxi ride costs around 3 euro. Our restaurant lunch bill was around 10 euro. Street food is also everywhere, so you can have a bite any time. 

In restaurants, some staff speaks English and they even have their menu in English. It came as a surprise for me.

Ok, now about Victoria clinic, our last destination. It’s located in the historical part of the city. We were astonished by architecture. In the meantime, history is combined with modern streams. The clinic seemed rather small to me. Interiors and equipment seemed to be not brand new like in Ilaya still quite normal.  

We were kindly met and immediately invited to a meeting room with coffee and biscuits again. The manager spoke English very well. She was not very talkative, though. The key thing for me about this clinic was that they take care only of medical part of surrogacy program. No legal service provided, as well as they won’t help you get official papers for the baby when he or she is born. It’s not their business. Should we have run such risk? No. 

Don't count the days, make days count!

It was a very tough week. A row of good and bad things happened. The news was a shock and even when it seemed that it couldn’t be worse it was. Ok, I’m not going to upset you because this bad news is just for my family. I hope your week was joyful and happy.

In any case, after frustration for a couple of days it seems that I have strength to move forward. At such moments you realize like you did never before that life is so short. It’s just a blink of eye between the past and future. And you are the only one who can change anything NOW. There is no yesterday or tomorrow. Just today and now. Unfortunately, we leave so many things “for tomorrow”, “next week”, “next year”. This is probably one of the biggest mistakes we make.

As I get older, I discover so many things that were obviously hiding somewhere behind our daily routine and all the joys of the 20s+ ages. Is this natural? Am I just getting older? Getting wiser or just older? Having new wrinkles on my forehead means that I’m smarter than before? Or I’m just burning my days for nothing? And those who seemed to live this life to the fullest degree, those who are in their 70s and 80s, did they have enough time for fulfilling all their dreams? Were they brave enough to dream and make their dreams come true? Looking back on their lives, are they happy? If they could, what would they change? I was always afraid to ask these questions. As for me, asking such questions means summarizing life thus saying goodbye on default. That’s why I never asked them.

And what comes next? Or this is it? I know a very wise person who told me once: “Our immortality is in our future generations”. He knows better. Obviously, the essence of our lives is raising dignified new people who will raise new people and so on.

I still keep thinking of it.

Even if it’s true, I’m limited in this due to my infertility. Limited but not deprived. Now I’m even more convinced that I’m on the right way. I hope that my family will welcome its new member soon.

I know that many people stay childless all life long and still are happy. This is the right formula for them. For me, my happiness is in mothering and in bringing new smart, beautiful and dignified people to this world. Somebody correct me if I’m wrong. Maybe my thoughts out loud are just groundless conclusions of a young mother who has some fertility limitations and just feels guilty about that?

A question for everyone reading this: what is the sense of life for you? Please help me figure this out.