It’s chilling outside. It gets colder each day. Time
to think, take care of yourself and of your home. I decided to reset my consciousness
after a row of these very stressful and painful events. I asked my mom to stay
with Den and drove to the nearest IKEA store. New kitchen curtains and towels,
and also toy boxes for my son – done. Feeling a little bit better now. You
know, I can’t understand what’s the magic about it. Shopping really helps me to
fight stress. A weird thing.
Apart of all that, I’ve been surfing the net a lot
recently, reading doctors’ and other patients stories, blogs and
recommendations before starting my first ivf. I still have a lot of questions
in my head. I look at this huge pack of medications they gave me. Truly
speaking it frightens me a bit. As I’ve
told you before, my son was conceived naturally (the second months we’ve been
trying to conceive). I knew that a lot of couples keep trying months and years,
so I was surprised when I saw these desired two fat lines on the pregnancy test.
Actually, I felt I was pregnant even before the test. Then, when I noticed the
period is 1-2 days missing, I realized this is it. Things changed greatly since
then. Hopefully, I have a doctor to treat me with a very beautiful name Elena.
My future mothering is in her hands.
Ok, it seems that it’s high time to tell you about how
our fertility journey started. As I’ve told you already, I’m from Norway.
Surrogacy is prohibited by law here, unfortunately. Ethics are ethics, religion
is religion, but still… have Norwegian politicians thought of women like me?
Nope. Anyways, this is another story.
Obviously, from the time we both decided on trying
surrogacy, we knew we would go internationally. We google searched a lot,
registered on fertility forums and asked other couple’s opinion. Our research
brought us to two options: Georgia and Ukraine. These countries have the best
surrogacy conditions and guarantees for intended parents. At first we thought
to contact an intermediary agency. We thought we would be more protected if we
proceed with the agency. We contacted a few ones. What we found is that they
take big fees for their service. I asked my forum friends how safe it is to
deal directly with fertility clinic, omitting all mediators. Those who dealt
with clinic directly told us that it saves a lot of money and even time, as you
can speak directly with clinic’s manager and make appointments when it’s comfy
for you. Also, even before you travel for the first time, you can ask manager
all questions you have. (I had dozens of questions). And the money aspect – you
pay initial price established by the clinic, no overcharging.
The next step was studying local surrogacy
legislation. Surrogacy legislation in both countries we were opting is quite
favourable for intended parents. They have specific set of laws to protect IPs’
rights and the rights of SM (surrogate mother).
Intended mother shall provide medical certificate proving her disability
to carry pregnancy on her own. Restrictions for SMs are also set by law: age
18-39, being absolutely healthy and having at least one healthy child. What we
liked and what was obviously one of the most crucial points in legislation
aspect is that SM has no right to change her mind and keep the baby after
delivery. IPs are considered biological parents of the child. Birth certificate
is issued with the name of IPs as parents, no name of SM mentioned. It was very
important for me.
The second serious thing to consider was contract
conditions and fees. I found reproductive clinics’ directory on the web with
their contact info and websites. Some websites provided service and price info,
some didn’t, so I had to email them. The prices are different. Conditions are
different, too. My advice on it: when considering surrogacy fees, ask your
consultant if the price is final and what extra fees are, if any? Also, consider
the number of attempts they provide. It may be only one attempt (no matter own
or donor eggs), several attempts or endless number of attempts. Also ask if
medications are covered by your contract. What I’ve noticed, is that some clinics
assign lower price, but then it will be doubled with costs of all medications
needed. So please mind this.
Finally, we decided to proceed with Ukrainian clinics,
firstly based on lots of positive reviews and surrogacy experience in this
country, secondly on its geographical location. It’s cheaper and quicker for us
to travel to Ukraine than to Georgia.
To sum up, we chose three clinics we would like to visit
in Kiev, the capital city of Ukraine. We booked our air tickets. We asked my
parents to stay with Den during our travel. We had just two days to stay there
and take decision, so I knew it’d be an exhausting time. Ok, we made
appointment with three clinics. Initial consultations were for free. Thus, we
got our bags packed and we were impatiently waiting for our first trip.
Wow that's all of your medicine? Looks like there are lots of pills.. I am about to start my tx.. Is it like for everyone, I mean, I would have to do all of those too for my tx..?
ReplyDeleteno, that's not all. I have a huge pack of meds. what treatments are you pursuing? I'm also a newbie but it seems to me that meds are more or less different in each case. they use a lot of hormones to stimulate eggs' grow
Deleteegg donor ivf treatment, have only recently started ,y endometrium stimulation. there are a lot of pills, I didn't know though that they require such strict tendance..
Deletegood luck to you, gwinethblack2. i'm sure you will do it. xxx
ReplyDeleteOMG I saw this pile of meds just like yours!! It was huge and I wondered what for I had to take all those if it's surrogacy. Silly thing I was. I thought opting for surrogacy would be not this invasive. Of course I'd have to take pills and do injectibles for the ER as usuall but seems that pile really bevildered me. The only good thing about it was that we didn't have to pay for it additionally. And that the med costs was covered by the package price.
ReplyDeleteWell as for surrogacy friendly Ukraine. I absolutely loved its surrogacy law!! It states, the baby is yours from the moment of conception. The surrogate has no right to keep the baby after delivery. She has no standing right to purse custordy or claim any other rights after the contract was signed. I suppose this is the fairest game that can be. Besides, affordable costs. Costs here very from 30k to 50k euros. And it's double cheaper than applying for surrogacy in the US for example. The country/clinic right choice is a halfway success.
The cost of surrogate motherhood in Ukraine varies from 30k to 50 k EUR. The price unlike in the US includes the risks (like cesarean), food, accommodation, transportation, translator, and so on. The procedure for registration of a child is very simple. For most of the cases, passport for the child is given in Ukraine. In some cases it is necessary to draw up documents in their own country. The queue moves quickly. The average wait time varies from 1 month to six months. But the hugest factor of all is that the surro has no right to keep the baby after delivery! IP's are the legal parents of the baby. The thing is just to make sure the chosen clinic is a reputable one with high live birth success rates.
DeleteThank you for your comment. I agree with things mentioned. When we looked into the process of surrogacy in the US, we found it to be overwhelmingly expensive ($60 – 150k), which was a factor, unless you have a kind family member or friend that is willing to carry it for you. If things go wrong, such as a surrogate backing out, or unfortunate situations like a miscarriage, you automatically have to pay at least $5k to match with another surrogate and do their health workup through the agency. It just seemed that there were so many costs that could be added at any time, and it seemed so unreasonable that most of that cost was going to the agency or lawyer, rather than the surrogate, who receives on average of $20 – 30k for the pregnancy. What also bothered us was that in some states, surrogate mothers retain a parental right to the child, and can even pursue custody. Even though the embryos placed in the surrogate have both of our DNA, the surrogate mother’s name is on the birth certificate, and then you have to go through the process of adopting the baby in court. The biggest factor of all for us, though, is time. All of the legal paperwork, signing a contract, matching a surrogate, having the surrogate go through the work-up, and so on, and next thing you know, it’s been a year or two since you started the process. Having already put in years!! we weren’t willing to wait for an indefinite amount of time again. That's why a fast moving queue sounds like the blessing. We're still inbetween 3 clinics. But I'm more likely to think we'll opt for surrogacy in BioTexCom.
DeleteI agree with every word said!! Ukraine is a perfect destination for surrogacy. Its law favours the IP more than the surrogate surely.Once we were considering surrogacy in the US. and the thing which bothered much was that in some states the surrogates are the legal mothers of the baby born. Then you have to go to the court and adopt. Yet in some states in case the surro changes her mind and wants to keep the baby, you'll NEVER get him/her in your family!! And probably the hugest factor is money sums though. You have to look for at least $40-80k if a friend of yours or a family member wants to carry the baby for you. If you have nobody, and have to use the agency's surros, you'll have to look for up to $150k!! This is overwhelmingly expensive!! Adding you never know the outcome. Some unfortunate situation or if the surro backs out.. There seemed to be so many hidden fees added at any time!! Ukraine definitely turned out to be much better option!!
ReplyDeleteAmerica has absolute right and in the judicial system there is no value higher than a US citizen. Everyone knows about it. But not everyone knows what it is means. If you will have any issues American law will always support surrogate mother. Sometimes it can be about time for recovery and extract. And sometimes it can be even claiming right for the baby! Surrogate mother has all rights for the baby and one should remember this!
DeleteIn Ukraine the surrogate cannot legally keep the child after the birth. On the contrary: the child is considered to legally belong to the prospective parents from the very moment conception.Ukrainian law allows to issue birth certificate to intended parents' names regardless of their genetic links to the child. Donor or a surrogate mother has no parental rights over the child, who is legally the child of the prospective parents from the moment of conception.Surrogacy in Ukraine offers the following advantages:
DeleteNo limits on surrogacy related payments.
No additional legal procedures to obtain court order.
No adoption of your own child is required.
You can also use donor egg with no extra waiting. The clinic's main job is to build a profile of the donor from every angle. Including personality, intellectual capabilities, motivation, level of responsibility, and health background. So one's mind may rest in piece her donor is ''perfect''.
I've also got to know a lot of interesting things I've never been aware of before. Our kind dr at BioTexCom explained things the best for us. This is what she told about progesterone role while ART options. Progesterone is a natural female hormone. Called 'the pregnancy hormone'. it is essential before and during pregnancy.
ReplyDeleteProgesterone supplementation is often necessary during ivf. because the medications you may use during these procedures can suppress your body’s ability to produce progesterone. Certain procedures can even, inadvertently, remove progesterone-producing cells from your ovaries!! Sometimes there are other reasons to use progesterone supplementation. Such as little or no progesterone production from the ovaries or poorly developed follicles that do not secrete enough progesterone to develop the uterine lining. The bottom line is this — All women who wish to become pregnant need progesterone to help the uterus prepare for and maintain a fertilized egg. And loads of other useful things!! Their staff is amazing! They pay attention to every single need which is so important when you're going through absolutely unknown way. So much professional!!
My husband and I had been TTC for years with no luck. I guess it's probably been the same experience that most people on here are going though. The hope every month then the devistation every month. I was tired. if I didn't want to be a mother so badly I'd probably have thrown in the towel by then becuase it was too emotionally taxing. Offline, I had no where to really talk about it. It was like everyone I knew was pregnant or had kids. or had decided they were not going to have them. (Mostly for health-related reasons.) I felt really, really alone in that. - Like there was something wrong with me that it was so easy for everyone else I knew to get pregnant. those who had shared their "journey" made it sound so easy!! They decided they wanted a child. Or even they just had a "surprise!" - And it was like the easiest thing in the world!! Even when you're in school, they made it sound like you know, you miss one pill or don't use a condom once and you'll just get pregnant, easy-peasy. Yeah- not so much..
DeleteRecently began taking ubiquinol. Also about 2 months ago along with other supplements like a hearty prenatal vitamin. Also Omega 3, cod liver oil and light exercise. Ubiquinol has been proven to improve egg quality. 'cause it provides energy to lethargic cells which causes eggs to divide normally. Then implant and produce healthy pregnancies. I take 2 - 200 mg twice a day.
ReplyDeleteTypically, you'll need one to two weeks of ovarian stimulation before your eggs are ready for retrieval. To determine when the eggs are ready for collection, your doctor will likely perform: Vaginal ultrasound, an imaging exam of your ovaries to monitor the development of follicles (fluid-filled ovarian sacs where eggs mature). Blood tests, to measure your response to ovarian stimulation medications. estrogen levels typically increase as follicles develop and progesterone levels remain low until after ovulation.
DeleteInfertility is tough. It's such for the vast majority. Not to feel its pain means not to want to become a mom one day at all. Though I know a couple of women who don't want..it's their presonal choice..I can't imagine myself living childless. My husband only got it so much!! It made it even harder. For him, okay you're not pregnant this month, we'll try again. Me? Every time I got my period I just wanted to curl into a ball and cry. I'm 36. I've never been pregnant. I've been through a lot of my own medical stuff with lots of medications..With no luck. With no the smallest hope.. I was just trying to shift my focus onto other things but, it seemed I just couldn't. I'm picking up on a pattern in it all- I don't want to talk to anyone in my real life from when I get my period until the next time I ovulate. It's like the pain is so horrible and I don't know what to say so I just don't even want to talk. So that was extremelly helpful for me to have found your blog with amazing stories and full of emotions. Currently we're waiting for the surrogacy plan at biotexcom clinic which is really our last chance to have a baby..
ReplyDeleteIt’s such a difficult situation isn’t it. People don’t want you to feel left out but if it upsets you that’s no good. Your happiness is important. I do feel very lucky we both do. But I have had to get my hubby to silence his mother. First of all she kept saying how much she wanted a boy ( obviously we had no preference just grateful to have a baby) then when it was revealed it’s a girl she quizzed us over buying everything blue! We told her way before we were happy to be having one baby and counted ourselves very lucky. What she failed to understand was how difficult it is still for us to get pregnant!! It took us 2 years of TTC, 3 surgeries to treat my endometriosis and two early miscarriages!! As my endometriosis was so bad and recurring very quickly we only had a short period to conceive. But failed all the times..Here are we now – choosing between clinics on where to undergo surrogacy plan..
DeleteDo whatever feels right for you. Don’t be guilty about putting yourself first. Never!
A huge pile of meds though..At Biotexcom dr told me, I might need several different medications, such as:
ReplyDeleteMedications for ovarian stimulation.To stimulate your ovaries, you might receive an injectable medication containing a follicle-stimulating hormone (FSH), a luteinizing hormone (LH) or a combination of both. These medications stimulate more than one egg to develop at a time.
Medications for oocyte maturation. When the follicles are ready for egg retrieval - generally after eight to 14 days - you will take human chorionic gonadotropin (HCG) or other medications to help the eggs mature.
Medications to prevent premature ovulation.These medications prevent your body from releasing the developing eggs too soon.
Medications to prepare the lining of your uterus. On the day of egg retrieval or at the time of embryo transfer, your doctor might recommend that you begin taking progesterone supplements to make the lining of your uterus more receptive to implantation.
Our kind dr worked with me to determine which medications to use and when to use them.
Once you come off of the birth control pill, you will begin a process of controlled ovarian hyperstimulation. At the clinic you will have an ultrasound to evaluate the uterus and ovaries, and once you get the all clear you can start. There are two main parts of this process. Taking medications for about two weeks: Oral fertility medications like Clomid and/or injectable follicle stimulation hormones (Follistim and Gonal-F) are used to stimulate the follicles in your ovaries to mature more eggs than they typically would in a normal cycle. The goal is to produce at least 4 eggs with the use of fertility medication.
ReplyDeleteMonitoring visits (during the fertility medication phase): Ultrasounds and blood tests are used during this time to keep a close eye on the development of your follicles and eggs. This is the most time-consuming part of the IVF process, requiring an average 5-7 visits.After about 10-12 days of fertility medication, once monitoring shows that your follicles have grown to an appropriate size, it is time to trigger the final maturation of the eggs with hCG and schedule the ultrasound egg retrieval 36 hours later.
Egg retrieval: This is a day procedure performed in the clinic under sedation. There is minimal risk, but you will want to take the day off work and arrange for someone to pick you up. If you are going through IVF with a partner who will be providing a semen specimen, it will be collected on the same day as your egg retrieval or the sperm could be frozen before.
Approximately 3 days after fertilization, embryos are ready for transfer, but some patients prefer to wait a few days until they have reached the blastocyst stage (generally 5 days after fertilization). The embryo or blastocyst is instilled into the uterus via a thin, flexible plastic tube, which is gently passed through the opening in the cervix leading to the interior of the uterus. You will not need sedation for this procedure. It is generally painless but some women may experience mild cramping. You can watch the transfer as it happens with ultrasound technology.