Baby preferred to keep it in secret

Hello my dear friends!

Another week passed and we are already in our 17^th week. We’re getting closer to the middle of our pregnancy. With each new week, I keep reading about how our baby changes and develops, about his new achievements. The baby is already around 18 cm tall! His movements are more controlled now. He can touch his face or suck his thumb. He can hear much better now and can recognize voices. Of course, I wish I could talk to him and tell him how much I love him and wait for him here, but this is what I’m unable to do.

I call our baby “he” but in reality we still don’t know if it’s he or she. We received our 16 weeks scan last week, with ultrasound photos and videos. The baby is growing, surrogate is feeling well. They handled second genetic scan and the result was good this time as well: low risk for genetic abnormalities. But as to gender of our baby – no news again. I know 16 week is too early, but we were so impatient to know. All our family is waiting. We also want Den to know if he is expecting a sister or a brother. As I’ve told in one of my previous posts, our surrogate thinks it’s a boy.

The next scan and check up is on the 20^th week. Three more weeks to wait. Maybe this time we’ll fly to Kiev to meet our surrogate and see her growing bump, but only time will show.

As to my other news, Martin got back from his business trip but we failed to have some good rest this weekend because Den got ill again and currently I’m taking care of him. It was flu and he is slowly but steadily recovering. This morning we even went for a walk together. So in general, I’m a bit tried after this week. Mom’s heart is never at rest when her child is not feeling well. But we always do our best to help them recover as soon as possible.

So, I’m closing by now, with thoughts about my two babies: thee one who is just next to me coughing and with a running nose, and the second still so small but already so endlessly loved.

Warm hugs

xxx

Women from Venus, Men from Mars

Hello my dear friends! I hope you all are feeling well on this wonderful day.  A week has started. We had to wake up at 5.30 am today because my husband was to set off to Bergen. It’s a business trip. Well, a long way to go, and he is yet driving. So I’m waiting for a call from him just to make sure everything’s fine. He often travels all over the country for his business meetings but each time I’m a bit nervous.  Maybe this is just my female nature?

We all women are the same. Aren’t we? We always need to worry for someone/something. And we always will. Nothing changes with years. Modern social policy tends to gender equality, same rights and duties for men and women.  But we are not the same: never were and never will be. Finally, men and women were designed to complete each other. Remember: Women from Venus, Men from Mars? Neither time, nor new laws will change it.

It seems I’m happy to have a husband who still thinks that women have to be given flowers and pampered in many different ways. We all still want to be princesses and to be treated liked a princess, no matter how old we are.

I have a son and we still don’t know the gender of the baby that we are awaiting through surrogacy. As I’ve told before, we wanted a baby girl. My husband did. And so do I. I know how it feels to be a mother of a little man, but yet I so desperately want to be a mother of a little princess as well. And yes I will dress her in pink and tell her that she is beautiful every single day. Dozen times per day. Even if people will say that I’m spoiling her. I think that this is why we, women, all come to this world: to be pampered, spoiled and know that we’re making this world better with our beauty. And to give birth to children, of course.

We hope that tomorrow we will know the gender of our long awaited baby. Tomorrow is the day for our next scan – 16 weeks pregnancy. Our surrogate is expected to come to Kiev, to the clinic, again. Unfortunately, we couldn’t travel this time to be present at the checkups personally. Of course, I was very upset, but now it’s better. I know that they will inform every single detail of the scan as soon as possible. So tomorrow is a big day and we are waiting.

I hope the doctor who will be performing ultrasound is professional enough to see the gender of the baby on the 16^th week. Still I know it may be tough, especially if the baby is “shy”. When I was pregnant with Den, it was only the 20 weeks scan when we found out it’s a boy.

We will see this time.

Apart from gender question, of course we are waiting for medical report and second genetic screening. The first one was ok, so we hope that this time there’ll be no problems as well.

16 weeks – the baby is already big enough. Surrogate may experience first kicks. They say when it’s not the first pregnancy, woman starts feeling first kicks much earlier. I’m sure they will ask her.

I’m checking the weather in Ukraine often. It seems they are having nice warm sunny weather. I hope that our surrogate takes some time for walks and breathing fresh air. Baby needs oxygen, and well as first rays of spring sun that nourishes skin with vitamin D. Sure, I’m not in control of all that but I really hope that our surrogate takes care of herself and our baby very wisely.

Waiting for news from clinic.

I’ll drop a line as soon as I’m informed.

Have a great week, friends!

Xxx

Flying to Kiev tomorrow!

Hi to everyone who is following me.

I hope you all had gorgeous St.Valentine’s Day with your dearest people. I did, and even though nothing really special was planned, we had a good evening in family circle, cooked some fish and salad, and a pie. No candles, but still it was a very warm evening. After all, we’re not in our 20s any longer. However, maybe when we get older, we’ll get back to candles again? Who knows?

There’s great news I would like to share with you today. The clinic confirmed the day of surrogate’s scan. It’s Friday, the 17^th of February. Tomorrow we’re taking our flight to Kiev, late at night, again, like the previous time. The only difference is that this time we’re travelling without our son, Den. This will be a very quick trip: Friday evening we’re already travelling back home to Oslo. A bit tiring, but we will have two weekend days to have some rest after this trip. Also, I’m sure Den will be missing us much, so we didn’t want to stay there for long.

I hope there will be no delays, every hour of our trip is scheduled. So, we’re supposed to meet the lady who is carrying our baby on Friday morning. I’m very excited and a bit nervous. I’ve got some presents to give her. We all will see the baby on ultrasound scan. The 12^th week is scan is one of the most memorable. At least, it was for me in my first pregnancy. I hope they will do some photos and video for us.

So, I have to end up here today. Many things have to be done before we depart. Please wish us luck and safe flight. I’ll drop a line to inform you on our journey as soon as possible.

Sweet regards,

Agnete! 

Time to say Hello

Hi, how have you been? Please forgive me for being silent for a while. This last month was very special for me and my family. I would even say “specific” but still special as well. Gorgeous news that we received just on New Year’s eve gave impetus for a new whirl of our family life. Yes, a new page of the family book. Our surrogate is there in Ukraine and she is pregnant. She is miles away and we know almost nothing about her, still there’s a new-coming member of our family there in her belly. Oh, I knew surrogacy is a challenge, but I didn’t know HOW exactly it will feel like. It feels a bit awkwardly, indeed, even though the same pleasant and marvelous as natural pregnancy. Maybe this is because we still haven’t met our surrogate mum? I hope. Now it all feels a bit incomplete. You want to be there, you want to be in control, you want to be IN. But this is just lyrics. I’d say: emotional component. What about factual component? The most evident fact about our surrogacy journey is that 12 weeks scan is approaching and this time we are invited to be IN. This time we can travel there to Kiev and be present at all scans, talk to managers and doctor, see the results of all tests, and the last but not the least – to finally say Hello to the woman who is pregnant with our baby. Even though she speaks no English, and we know no Ukrainian, I hope we’ll enjoy this very first communication. I know there will be an English speaking manager to help us translating, as well as at all procedures in Kiev we had to pass through. BUT (oh, sure, how could we go without this “magical” word But?) my husband is now on his business trip. He returns only in three days and he is still uncertain about his plans for the next week. Also, this time I would like to leave Den at home with grandma so we’ll have to adjust our schedules as well.

I try to be loyal to myself and my inner voice says not to get frustrated even if it doesn’t work and we won’t be able to travel. Still I hope we will. I want to see my baby on the monitor with my own eyes, this is an important milestone of the whole journey, isn’t it? 

Packing our luggage

It’s the third day of hormonal stimulation with Merional. I wanted to drop a line earlier but the weekend was such a fuss. My first Merional injection was on Saturday and congratulate me: I did it myself. It was very stressful, I must admit. But there was no one there to help me so this was my only option. You know, in reality it’s even easier than I thought it would be. A bit scary, though. All I needed to do is to watch a few videos on you tube where other ladies show how to get everything ready for injection and then how to do it correctly. I did in my belly. As far as I understood, this very medication can be done into belly and into bottom. For me it was easier to do it into my belly. Moreover, I had an aching place in my bottom for a few days after Dipherelin injection and it was probably the worst complication of this injection. For a few days, it was even painful for me to sit for a long time. I’m endlessly proud of myself that I learnt to do injections on my own because I have a lot more days of stimulation ahead and it’s really great not to rely on someone else in this very important process.

I’m feeling well. I mean no weird feelings in my ovaries. Yet. I experience no changes by now apart from my accelerating nervousness. I sleep badly, often wake up in the middle of the night with the feeling I forgot to do something important or vice versa – did something wrong. The less days are left to our departure to Kiev, the more restless I get. To double all these feelings, it was an accident with my son yesterday. To make a long story short, my husband’s brother came to our place and they played with Den. He spinned him around, throw him up and gave him a ride on his back. They adore playing together. Then we all (adults) went to the kitchen to have some tea and Den was in the living room. He jumped on the sofa. He still was very playful and wanted someone to share his joy. Just in around 30 seconds, he run into the kitchen all in tears and screaming: “Mom, it hurts! It hurts!” He showed on his chest. I rolled over his shirt and I saw that the upper part of his belly was red. And he was crying out loud. He didn’t stop crying even when we tried to draw his attention with cartoons. No, it didn’t help. The stupidest thing was that no one even noticed what happened. I saw him on the sofa. It’s soft with lots of pillows, no rigid elements at all. We also didn’t hear any peculiar sounds of a fall. I didn’t know why he was crying, really. And this was the most terrifying thing about that all. Finally, we decided to drive him to the hospital to make sure that there was no serious injury. He was still crying however he started looking on the passing by cars and we guessed what brand the cars were and he almost forgot of his pain. When we entered the doctor’s room he wasn’t crying anymore. However, we were still stressed out. The doctors examined him, did x-ray and ultrasound, also took his blood. Hopefully, everything was fine. The doctor told that it even doesn’t look like an injury. He said maybe allergy or irritation. I then asked why he was crying out loud because of irritation? Really? In any case, they let us go home. It was already late night and Den’s eyes were merely closing. He went to bed. In the morning, his belly still looked reddish but this time we could see very tiny micro scratched just under his lower ribs. Ok, it seems that he just scratched his belly on something. He said he fell on a pillow and a pillow has a zipper. Probably, he scratched on that zipper. I don’t know. The main thing is that everything’s ok. And it seems that Den also has an ability to over exaggerate his pain (obviously). It was just a scratch, but he was crying so badly that I thought someone is killing him. Oh, a crazy evening, after all.

Sorry for sharing this all here. In any case, if you already have children, you understand how it feels. If you still don’t – now you know how it may feel. Parenting a kid is not only cuddling in bed on Sunday morning, it’s also the ability to drive to the hospital in 5 minutes (given that usually it takes not less than 15 minutes to drive there). In any case, it was an extra reason for me to get a few new grey hairs. This is what real parenting is. Especially with boys: they are so restless and always on a move. And even if your house seems 100% baby safe, he would still find a place to injure himself.

We’re departing to Kiev tomorrow evening. It’s not a direct flight, so it will take us almost 6 hours to get to Kiev airport. Then it’s also around 40 minutes’ drive from the airport to city center. I know they will provide us with a driver. We’ll be there late at night so I hope we’ll get to our hotel with no traffic jams. Yes, Kiev is a busy city with lots of cars, so traffic jams are a common thing there. Not at night, I hope.

I’ve told them that we’re travelling with our son so asked them to provide us with two bed-room apartment. I hope they will. Let it be small but still separate. The hotel we stayed in the last time seemed to be too small and rooms are tiny, so I hope this time they will provide us with apartment or better hotel room, at least.  

I’ll keep posting when any updates.

Have a great week!

One year older

Hi, it’s my birthday today! Don’t think that I’m asking for congratulations, but this is just how my day started: a handmade postcard from my boy, coffee in bed from by man and blood test results and scans in my laptop. Nothing special. Just an ordinary beginning of a day! Joking! Just all in one: you know, I have a bunch of feelings starting from anxiety and immense thrill to this very warm feeling of comfort and hope when your two dearest men care about you on your especial day. That’s awesome. This combination of feelings paints my day in richer colors even since the early morning. 

Honestly, I’m not a big fan of my birthdays. This feeling got even more vivid when I passed over 30 years margin. It’s like: “Ok, let’s celebrate! I’m getting older! Congratulations!”. In fact, I know that these are the thoughts of a worn out crone so I keep them locked in my mind and no one will ever hear them (may be but for reading as exception?). Sorry for grumbling.

We gonna have a small family celebration this night and large party with friends and relatives tomorrow evening. My husband is cooking dinner today, he said. He hardly ever cooks but there are a few recipes he perfectly mastered. So he gives me some breaks from cooking, usually on our special occasions like today. It’s especially important for me now when I seem to be dissolved in preparation to my upcoming medical procedures.

So I got the tests and ultrasound done. I have already sent them to my clinic’s manager and wait for their feedback. I should start ovulation induction medications soon. As I’ve told you in my previous posting, it’s hard for me to determine the day of my menstrual cycle because I have no regular bleedings. To know the exact day of the cycle, they take my blood for hormonal tests: luteinizing and follicle-stimulating hormones. On forums, you will encounter just abbreviations LH and FSH respectively. Knowing their levels, they can tell precisely the day of my period. Also progesterone, estrogene and anti-mullerian hormone once again (this one stands for AMH). The last time they checked it when I applied for surrogacy program back in July. It was 3,2 back then. They said it’s good result. This time it was 2,8. It’s obviously a bit worse but they say still ok. As far as I understood, the value depends on the day of the period and on some other factors. In any case, I’m sure I will get all the blood tests again when I travel to Kiev for eggs retrieval. There they will also take additional tests such as coagulogram (how quick my blood coagulates), and hormones again. In fact, I will need to come to Kiev several days before the surgery for them to monitor my state, the way the follicles grow, choose the best time for surgery, and of course in order to omit hyperstimulation (which is another terrifying word for me in this assisted reproduction vocabulary). It’s a very dangerous complication of stimulation (or this is just specific side effect or individual body reaction on medications). Ok, I’m not a master of explaining intricate medical terms, but I know that it’s probably the worst thing that may accompany hormonal stimulation for follicles. You know, when I saw my protocol of stimulation first, it was hard to evaluate it for me. I mean to give my own estimation as to how long it is and if they prescribe too little medications or vice versa a lot of them. Now when I got to read so many articles, blogs and communicated on forums with ladies who have/had similar treatment, I realize that I don’t have much medications. I have only one gonadotropin called Merional (intramuscular injections), Metipred (tablets), and vitamins (folic acid and Vitamin E). I know they may still add certain medications when they get my recent tests. Still I’m a bit concerned of having only one gonadotropin prescribed. Will it be enough to induce superovulation in me? To get many eggs of good quality? I know these question shouldn’t come to my mind since I have a doctor to care about all those aspects, but still – I’m a woman and when it deals with my future offspring I have to be maximally aware of the situation. I hope they know what they are doing.

Have a great day and loads of love on you!

I’ll drop a line as soon as I get updates.

Do you know how it feels?

It’s the seventh day after Dipherelin injection. It seems I’m feeling quite well. I’ve read some clutchy stories of how women feel after this medication: from dizziness to severe cramps and vomiting. As a newbie, I was really scared of it. Moreover, the doze is quite high (I had 3.75). I used to have headache, though. Apart of that, the place where I had injection to also used to ache for around two or three days (sorry for intimate details, but it’s in the bottom). I also felt some drawing pain in my right ovary but it was very occasional and not severe. I hope that my body’s reaction can be called good reaction, after all. Most women say that their period starts in a few days after the injection. Most women indicate their new period with menstrual bleeding. In my case, it’s a bit more complicated. I can’t have bleeding. If you remember my first posting, I had hysterectomy after my first baby was born. It was almost 4 years ago. It was partial hysterectomy: they removed uterus, but my ovaries were left (hopefully). Since then my menstruation is never accompanied with bleeding. But still I have it. I know it might sound a bit weird, but it’s just about elementary anatomy: no uterus, no endometrium, no bleeding. Still I have periods more or less similar to what a normal lady my age has. Despite of the surgery, my ovaries function ok and still produce all female hormones needed for my normal existing. However, just after the surgery and up to 3 months I had to take hormonal medicines together with a lot of other medications needed for my rehab. Since then my period day can be indicated only with the help of blood tests. However, I often feel ovulation and PMS even without tests. Hormones are still striking my brain and I still can be a real scratch-cat a couple of days prior to new cycle. I know it might be hard to figure out how it all works after such a serious surgery. Believe me: I used to feel I’m no longer a woman after hysterectomy. I used to think that I will gain weight, shave my moustache and never ever have any pleasure from sexual intercourse. My rehabilitation period was tough, mostly psychologically. My two dearest men were the ones who didn’t let me sink in depression. My son and husband: the first one always kept me busy and demanded attention and the second one persistently reminded me that he still loves me, and even more than before. He thanked me for the son. He told it almost every day. He loves him immensely. He told that we will overcome all troubles together. I got used to my new condition. Still there was at least one advantage of that all: no regular bleeding. Hey, answer ladies: have you ever dreamt of it? At least once? Not to have menstrual bleeding. Never. Have you? Frankly speaking, I had. I used to have heavy and painful menstruation since high school. And yes, there were times when my inner voice told me: “I hate this all. I wish I never experience it again!”. My “dream” came true. However, in my 16 I hardly ever thought that no menstruation means no babies. This idea never came to my teen’s head. I still can’t understand why women are called “the weaker sex”. We experience these pains ever since our 13, then survive all 9 months of pregnancy with all that morning sickness, then 20+ kg weight gain, then painful delivery and rehab period, topped with all the difficulties of lactation. How can they call us “the weaker sex”? It puzzles me.

Brief note - the process started

I think I will keep it short today and with some good news. I got an email from my Biotexcom manager who supervises our surrogacy program. Our doctor considered my last ultrasound and confirmed on stimulation. Everything within the protocol they signed back then when we traveled there for the first time in summer. We start with Dipherelin. If I’m not mistaken, this means that we’re in long protocol (they also have a short protocol). I don’t know how they determine what type of protocol is best but I hope they know what they are doing. As I’ve told you already, our doctor there is Elene Mozgovaya MD. They ensured me that she is very skilled and have been working in this clinic for already many years and that her type of treatment usually shows good result. It’s very inspiring. Moreover, I’m happy she’s a woman. I don’t know why, but I don’t like male gynecologists. I know they say that a doctor is a human being without gender, but still. Everyone knows it not true. Moreover, it’s easier for a woman to understand another woman. I think so. And yes, it’s my, very very personal, point of view. Maybe I’m wrong. In any case, I think they don’t even have other male gynecologists there. At least we saw only women.

So my trigger shot of Dipherelin was yesterday. 3.75 one shot doze. Hopefully, my mother-in-law is a nurse and she agreed to do all those injections for me. It saves a lot of time and she is really very good at it. I almost felt nothing.

I was feeling well after injection but for headache. I think it’s due to the weather so I don’t associate it with injection itself. It’s impact on my body is quite profound so I was afraid of profound side effects. It’s the second day after injection and I’m feeling well. I hope this sets a good beginning to this big deal.

Have to close by now. My biscuit-tea break is coming to an end. My son is still sleeping but I want to have a fresh banana-cream dessert cooked for him when he wakes up. He likes banana. Ok, have to go.

I wish you a very warm weekend with your nearest and dearest. xxx

Signing up contracts: costs, guarantees, number of attempts, payments and service included.

It’s 12^th day of my period and I’m starting stimulation this month. Hurray! Yeap, we’ve been matched with a surrogate mother (I still know absolutely nothing of who she is) and they synchronize our cycles. I have to do ultrasound in 6 days to ensure everything’s fine and I can start stimulation. It’s a long protocol starting from Dipherelin 3.75, one shot.  

Now I know it’s a high doze and I’m a bit afraid of side effects and how I will be feeling. From the other hand, I know that our doctor Elena is one of the leading specialists there in Biotexcom so I hope she knows what she is doing.

Surely, I’ll keep you updated on how we proceed, and now as I promised I’d like to tell you of how we finally made a choice, probably one of the most important choices in our whole life. These two days in Kiev were very busy but in the meantime very informative. It was not easy for us to make a choice, I must admit. All clinics we visited seemed quite good, modern and providing high level of service. Now the most crucial question was price and guarantees. Yes, guarantees. For newbies like me the category of “guarantee” sounded quite strange for a start. What guarantees do they mean? Ok, let me explain. It seemed that we were the only couple there who was opting surrogacy and knows nothing of what IVF is. Couple/women contacting fertility center for surrogacy usually have a background of a row of unsuccessful treatments: IUI (intra-uterine insemination), IVFs, donor egg IVFs, and even surrogacy attempts. With all those failures, they wasted time and money. That’s why guarantee of having a baby is so important to them. You know, we met a very kind couple from Denmark there in the clinic. They had 6 unsuccessful attempts of ivfs (both donor and own eggs) and trying to conceive for almost 10 years. I felt really sorry for them. I can’t even imagine how painful it might be. Now they switched to surrogacy. They told me that they had signed with this clinic mainly because they provide unlimited number of attempts for fixed price. In this particular case – donor eggs surrogacy. The same is provided by our contract. The only difference is that I give my own eggs. I go through hormonal stimulation. They can’t stimulate me endlessly. Thus, in case it won’t work from the first two attempts, they will have to shift for donor eggs. They told us that if we desperately want it to be our eggs with no shift to donor eggs, we’d better choose single attempt surrogacy program. It costs less but no guarantees, as you understand. Just one shot. Like a Russian roulette. Of course, I desperately want my future baby to be genetically connected to me. But losing money and flying away with big fat negative was also not a great prospective for us. We signed up for unlimited number of attempts: two attempts on my own with further transfer to donor eggs. Still hope so-so-so MUCH that our two attempts will work. I will do everything possible and impossible for this.

They offered us to choose between three contracts. The cheapest one is Economy package, cost 29 900 euro. Then comes Standard package – 39 900, and VIP package 49 900. All three are “all-inclusive” and provide guaranteed success. All legal and medical expenses are covered in each package, as well surrogate mother and egg donor fees (in case of egg donation). In economy package, you will have to cover all expenses in case of premature birth. Also, if pregnancy due to certain conditions stops after the 12^th week (very unlikely, still may happen), you pay compensation to a surrogate mother – 6 k euro. With Standard package, the clinic covers all these expenses (premature birth and pregnancy loss after 12 week). It may sound a bit too complicated to figure this all out, I know. We read all those contacts several times and asked dozens of questions before we could finally digest information and take a certain decision. With VIP contract, it’s easier – your contact is ultimately all inclusive: no extra charges, luxurious separate accommodation, business car transfers and personal driver, Ukrainian mobile phone, baby sitter, pediatrician and even all baby stuff you need. I think this package enables you with much more privilege, however we didn’t consider this package as an option for us mainly because of the price. So obviously I can’t be a very good counselor as to this particular package. I’m sure it’s more than great, but still we were choosing between economy and standard. We finally signed up for the last one. For us, it seemed to be a perfect combination of price and quality. Also, with this contact they provide better and more spacious accommodation which was a very important criteria for us because next times we will be travelling with our 3 (almost 4) year old son and he needs a separate bedroom.

It seems that I forgot to mention that no matter what package you choose, they provide airport pickup, transfers, interpreter service and even meals. I find it rather comfortable. We spoke with those who are already parenting babies there in biotex (waiting for all their papers to be ready for leaving back home which may take a month or two, so be ready). They said that it’s so comfortable: they have a maid who cleans the house and cooks fresh meals so that you can concentrate on your baby with no extra fuss.

Having made the first payment of 8 k euro, we we’ve been waiting for a match with gestational carrier for around 10 weeks. Our next payment (7 900 euro) is scheduled on the day of eggs retrieval. I’m still very overwhelmed, a bit worried about hormonal stimulation (mainly because I’m afraid to do anything wrong) and afraid of eggs retrieval surgery in general. But still I have this very warm feeling deep in my heart that it will work for us. 

PS: the photo attached is our hotel room provided by the clinic we’ve been staying at in Kiev

How it all started

It’s chilling outside. It gets colder each day. Time to think, take care of yourself and of your home. I decided to reset my consciousness after a row of these very stressful and painful events. I asked my mom to stay with Den and drove to the nearest IKEA store. New kitchen curtains and towels, and also toy boxes for my son – done. Feeling a little bit better now. You know, I can’t understand what’s the magic about it. Shopping really helps me to fight stress. A weird thing.

Apart of all that, I’ve been surfing the net a lot recently, reading doctors’ and other patients stories, blogs and recommendations before starting my first ivf. I still have a lot of questions in my head. I look at this huge pack of medications they gave me. Truly speaking it frightens me a bit.  As I’ve told you before, my son was conceived naturally (the second months we’ve been trying to conceive). I knew that a lot of couples keep trying months and years, so I was surprised when I saw these desired two fat lines on the pregnancy test. Actually, I felt I was pregnant even before the test. Then, when I noticed the period is 1-2 days missing, I realized this is it. Things changed greatly since then. Hopefully, I have a doctor to treat me with a very beautiful name Elena. My future mothering is in her hands.

Ok, it seems that it’s high time to tell you about how our fertility journey started. As I’ve told you already, I’m from Norway. Surrogacy is prohibited by law here, unfortunately. Ethics are ethics, religion is religion, but still… have Norwegian politicians thought of women like me? Nope.  Anyways, this is another story.

Obviously, from the time we both decided on trying surrogacy, we knew we would go internationally. We google searched a lot, registered on fertility forums and asked other couple’s opinion. Our research brought us to two options: Georgia and Ukraine. These countries have the best surrogacy conditions and guarantees for intended parents. At first we thought to contact an intermediary agency. We thought we would be more protected if we proceed with the agency. We contacted a few ones. What we found is that they take big fees for their service. I asked my forum friends how safe it is to deal directly with fertility clinic, omitting all mediators. Those who dealt with clinic directly told us that it saves a lot of money and even time, as you can speak directly with clinic’s manager and make appointments when it’s comfy for you. Also, even before you travel for the first time, you can ask manager all questions you have. (I had dozens of questions). And the money aspect – you pay initial price established by the clinic, no overcharging.

The next step was studying local surrogacy legislation. Surrogacy legislation in both countries we were opting is quite favourable for intended parents. They have specific set of laws to protect IPs’ rights and the rights of SM (surrogate mother).  Intended mother shall provide medical certificate proving her disability to carry pregnancy on her own. Restrictions for SMs are also set by law: age 18-39, being absolutely healthy and having at least one healthy child. What we liked and what was obviously one of the most crucial points in legislation aspect is that SM has no right to change her mind and keep the baby after delivery. IPs are considered biological parents of the child. Birth certificate is issued with the name of IPs as parents, no name of SM mentioned. It was very important for me.

The second serious thing to consider was contract conditions and fees. I found reproductive clinics’ directory on the web with their contact info and websites. Some websites provided service and price info, some didn’t, so I had to email them. The prices are different. Conditions are different, too. My advice on it: when considering surrogacy fees, ask your consultant if the price is final and what extra fees are, if any? Also, consider the number of attempts they provide. It may be only one attempt (no matter own or donor eggs), several attempts or endless number of attempts. Also ask if medications are covered by your contract. What I’ve noticed, is that some clinics assign lower price, but then it will be doubled with costs of all medications needed. So please mind this.

Finally, we decided to proceed with Ukrainian clinics, firstly based on lots of positive reviews and surrogacy experience in this country, secondly on its geographical location. It’s cheaper and quicker for us to travel to Ukraine than to Georgia.

To sum up, we chose three clinics we would like to visit in Kiev, the capital city of Ukraine. We booked our air tickets. We asked my parents to stay with Den during our travel. We had just two days to stay there and take decision, so I knew it’d be an exhausting time. Ok, we made appointment with three clinics. Initial consultations were for free. Thus, we got our bags packed and we were impatiently waiting for our first trip. 

Don't count the days, make days count!

It was a very tough week. A row of good and bad things happened. The news was a shock and even when it seemed that it couldn’t be worse it was. Ok, I’m not going to upset you because this bad news is just for my family. I hope your week was joyful and happy.

In any case, after frustration for a couple of days it seems that I have strength to move forward. At such moments you realize like you did never before that life is so short. It’s just a blink of eye between the past and future. And you are the only one who can change anything NOW. There is no yesterday or tomorrow. Just today and now. Unfortunately, we leave so many things “for tomorrow”, “next week”, “next year”. This is probably one of the biggest mistakes we make.

As I get older, I discover so many things that were obviously hiding somewhere behind our daily routine and all the joys of the 20s+ ages. Is this natural? Am I just getting older? Getting wiser or just older? Having new wrinkles on my forehead means that I’m smarter than before? Or I’m just burning my days for nothing? And those who seemed to live this life to the fullest degree, those who are in their 70s and 80s, did they have enough time for fulfilling all their dreams? Were they brave enough to dream and make their dreams come true? Looking back on their lives, are they happy? If they could, what would they change? I was always afraid to ask these questions. As for me, asking such questions means summarizing life thus saying goodbye on default. That’s why I never asked them.

And what comes next? Or this is it? I know a very wise person who told me once: “Our immortality is in our future generations”. He knows better. Obviously, the essence of our lives is raising dignified new people who will raise new people and so on.

I still keep thinking of it.

Even if it’s true, I’m limited in this due to my infertility. Limited but not deprived. Now I’m even more convinced that I’m on the right way. I hope that my family will welcome its new member soon.

I know that many people stay childless all life long and still are happy. This is the right formula for them. For me, my happiness is in mothering and in bringing new smart, beautiful and dignified people to this world. Somebody correct me if I’m wrong. Maybe my thoughts out loud are just groundless conclusions of a young mother who has some fertility limitations and just feels guilty about that?

A question for everyone reading this: what is the sense of life for you? Please help me figure this out. 

The best is yet to come

Is there anyone waiting for these weekends more than I do?

This is going to be a great time. You may call me a lazybone but I’m looking forward to a very relaxed and free of any duties weekend. Why? My parents are taking my son to their place for the whole weekend so that me and my husband could have all the time in the world together. We’re always busy working that’s why such moments “just for ourselves” are so rare and so long-awaited by us. Of course, we’ll be missing Den. Anyways, I know he’ll have a gorgeous time with grandparents and his cousins. Yes, they are gathering a small kindergarten there! My parents love gathering all their grandchildren from time to time at their place. My dad has so many games to play with them and my mom, she cooks gorgeous pies that they love so much. Oh, I love them too but I’m no longer three years old to eat them as much as I want (age is taking its toll and now I have to be very picky in what and how much I eat).

There is one secret reason for why I’m keeping strict and very healthy diet now. Are you interested to know? I know that very soon I’ll be stimulated for eggs growing in my ovaries that will be used for our first IVF ever. If you read my previous posting, you may already know that I had my uterus removed after the first natural delivery. We took courage and applied for surrogacy program! Own eggs surrogacy! Yeah, they approved me for own eggs stimulation! Luckily, my ovaries still function ok. They checked my hormones, ovarian reserve and did blood tests (both to me and husband). All exams were fine and they gave green light for two IVF surrogacy attempts on our own genetic material. This is a long story to tell and this is actually why I started this blog.

We met a lot of new and unknown things in the sphere of reproductive medicine we were absolutely unaware before. Yeah, they really do miracles! They help even in the worst cases of infertility. They know how to omit genetic diseases. They can choose baby’s sex. They can fertilize woman even in menopause! And even more importantly – they can transfer my own embryo to a healthy woman who will give birth to my baby!

We have already signed our contract and currently we’re waiting for a proper surrogate for us. We couldn’t choose the surrogate. Our clinic’s doctors choose surrogates based on medical criteria. They told that her health is all that matters. Ok, perhaps this makes sense. As for us, we got instructions on dieting and vitamins during this period. They gave me this huge pack of medications for ovulation stimulation so we’re waiting for their green light to start.

Are we overwhelmed? Like we were never before!