Time to say Hello

Hi, how have you been? Please forgive me for being silent for a while. This last month was very special for me and my family. I would even say “specific” but still special as well. Gorgeous news that we received just on New Year’s eve gave impetus for a new whirl of our family life. Yes, a new page of the family book. Our surrogate is there in Ukraine and she is pregnant. She is miles away and we know almost nothing about her, still there’s a new-coming member of our family there in her belly. Oh, I knew surrogacy is a challenge, but I didn’t know HOW exactly it will feel like. It feels a bit awkwardly, indeed, even though the same pleasant and marvelous as natural pregnancy. Maybe this is because we still haven’t met our surrogate mum? I hope. Now it all feels a bit incomplete. You want to be there, you want to be in control, you want to be IN. But this is just lyrics. I’d say: emotional component. What about factual component? The most evident fact about our surrogacy journey is that 12 weeks scan is approaching and this time we are invited to be IN. This time we can travel there to Kiev and be present at all scans, talk to managers and doctor, see the results of all tests, and the last but not the least – to finally say Hello to the woman who is pregnant with our baby. Even though she speaks no English, and we know no Ukrainian, I hope we’ll enjoy this very first communication. I know there will be an English speaking manager to help us translating, as well as at all procedures in Kiev we had to pass through. BUT (oh, sure, how could we go without this “magical” word But?) my husband is now on his business trip. He returns only in three days and he is still uncertain about his plans for the next week. Also, this time I would like to leave Den at home with grandma so we’ll have to adjust our schedules as well.

I try to be loyal to myself and my inner voice says not to get frustrated even if it doesn’t work and we won’t be able to travel. Still I hope we will. I want to see my baby on the monitor with my own eyes, this is an important milestone of the whole journey, isn’t it? 

Happy New Year!

Christmas and New Year holidays is one of the best time of the year for me and for all of my family: lights, Christmas tree, presents, relatives, friends, tasty food, good movies and festive mood. This year we got a very special present on New Year’s Eve – our surrogate’s ultrasound confirming that there is one healthy pea that has stick and develops normally in the uterus. Our baby! Still so tiny and so far away from us, but still ours. And we love him/her immensely. Could there be a better Christmas surprise?

I’m still thrilled and worried for every single detail about our surrogacy pregnancy especially now when I know the clinic is on winter holidays. I hope our surrogate and baby feel well.

My one and only wish for all those couples trying to conceive is to finally have their long-awaited baby in 2017.

Let all of us have a fantastic year!

Hug you all!

The pressure is on!

Please forgive me that it took me so long to update you this time.

These few days were extremely full of emotions from immense joy to hesitation and thrill. Have you been waiting to know our HCG test result? I’m sure you did, at least once.

We received a letter from clinic’s representative on Monday morning. Finally! It seemed to me that this day lasted forever. I was checking my email again and again millions of time and nothing happened. By the time I finally received the letter, I was already pretty tired and exhausted with waiting. When I finally saw it in my inbox, I stopped breathing for a while. I opened the letter and saw the words of congratulations and our HCG test that was showing number of 320. Can you believe it? I couldn’t. At that time, I was like: “Is there anyone to pinch me and I’ll wake up”.

My husband was still at work at that time. I was thinking how it’s better to present this new to him. Of course, it would be much more romantic if I could hide my test with two fat lines in a present box or something like this. However, the situation is different and I should have searched for more witty solutions. I was flying like a butterfly over our house. Then I decided to find Den’s newborn baby booties. We had very beautiful white ones. I put them on a pillow just in the middle of the sofa where Martin usually has rest after work. I was very nervous and thrilled. I know he wouldn’t ask me any questions before he gets to the sofa so I wanted to be the first.

Ok, he saw the baby booties on the pillow and understood everything. He started hugging and kissing me and then asked many questions. It was an unforgettable evening.

At first, I was a little bit worried that number of 320 didn’t seem big enough to me. The test was done on the 14^th day post transfer. Then I read some info and asked ladies on forums. Everyone told me that it’s absolutely positive and may indicate even twins.

What’s next? We’re waiting for our first ultrasound. They told that as a rule they do it in 2 weeks after HCG test but they will have a row of Christmas and New Year holidays there in Ukraine, so they told us that the ultrasound is scheduled for the 28^th of December, a bit earlier, you see. They told that only ultrasound test will set everything clear with our pregnancy so we’re waiting… again…and again.

Loads of fertility dust on you, sweethearts!

Xxx

TWW

I bet you can’t even imagine what I feel now. Or maybe you can. Still it’s an absolutely new feeling for me – our two week wait started. You know, I’ve never imagine how thrilling it is when you go through IVF route. In my case, surrogacy. Now I know that I can’t just go to a shop and buy a few home pregnancy tests in case I won’t be able to wait anymore. No, I can’t. 14 days and maybe even more: it depends on how soon they will get blood test result and email it to me. Our surrogate mother will come to the clinic for beta HcG test only on the 19^th of December. Ok, it seems I’m running ahead of the story. I missed some major information and skipped to what is the most essential to me.

Our embryo transfer was on Monday. Two 5-days blastocysts were transferred to surrogate’s uterus. They advised to transfer 3 embryos but we didn’t agree. They say it increases the chances for positive outcome. Maybe. But what if all three stick? It’s risky for pregnancy and for surrogate’s health, and even if all three are delivered safely – what will I do with 4 children? So, we agreed on transferring two. Two more were frozen. They will be used in case of failure (but I hope it won’t be). They emailed me an embryo report. There was information about eggs collected, their quality, fertilization method, number of days for cultivating, number of embryos received, and their quality. All embryos are of perfect quality as far as I understood. It was a bit hard to understand the report but finally we did it. It’s my first IVF report ever so I was a bit lost.

Of course, I’m very happy that everything goes well by now. I hope that lady realizes her mission and takes care of herself and of our future babies. I never thought that surrogacy is so tough emotionally: you understand that you’re in control of nothing. Yes, these are your embryos but inside of the woman you have never ever met. Who she is? How does she look like? Is she smart and intelligent enough? Where does she live and what is her daily routine? Will she take care of herself? Will she choose good food and omit smokey places and lifting weights like you would do if you were pregnant? Surrogacy is magic combined with immense thrill and uncertainty. Sure, it’s a magic for us to hope for our flesh and blood baby after such serious surgery that leaves no chance for natural pregnancy. In the meantime, she is there miles away and we are here. The closest time we can meet is only in around 10 weeks (if it works, of course). In Biotexcom, they don’t allow seeing surrogates until the 12^th week of pregnancy. I was wondering why and I asked our manager. She said that even if the result is positive, the first trimester of pregnancy is considered very fragile. Especially in case of twins. They said that making connection with surrogate too early may be additional stress for us and for her in case something goes wrong. I’m sure you understand what I mean. Maybe they are right. Maybe they are too strict. We discussed it with Martin. He said that this might make sense. They assured us that surrogate mother will be very thoroughly monitored by their doctors and regional representatives. We know that she lives in a small town far from Kiev so she will have to travel to Kiev once a month for tests, checkups, ultrasound and screenings. Her nearest test is Hcg, of course. That’s the pivotal moment through the recent 4 months. We’re keeping everything possible crossed and asking babies to stick. Den also knows what’s going on. Probably, he has his own vision of situation but he knows that he was traveling to Kiev for his little brother or sister. He wants a sister so much. Of course, he doesn’t know any details (hopefully, he haven’t asked yet). I know that one day I will have to explain everything to him but not now. In any case, I’m sure he will understand.

To sum up, I invite you to join our two week wait club! Maybe, you’re also waiting, maybe not. In any case, if you read this long post till these words, you’re interested in my journey and I invite you to join this very exciting world. Waiting is unbearable. If I didn’t have a child who always keeps me busy, it seems I’d go crazy through these long two weeks. In any case, we’re all charged positively and are waiting to get their good news soon. Are you with us? 

Packing our luggage

It’s the third day of hormonal stimulation with Merional. I wanted to drop a line earlier but the weekend was such a fuss. My first Merional injection was on Saturday and congratulate me: I did it myself. It was very stressful, I must admit. But there was no one there to help me so this was my only option. You know, in reality it’s even easier than I thought it would be. A bit scary, though. All I needed to do is to watch a few videos on you tube where other ladies show how to get everything ready for injection and then how to do it correctly. I did in my belly. As far as I understood, this very medication can be done into belly and into bottom. For me it was easier to do it into my belly. Moreover, I had an aching place in my bottom for a few days after Dipherelin injection and it was probably the worst complication of this injection. For a few days, it was even painful for me to sit for a long time. I’m endlessly proud of myself that I learnt to do injections on my own because I have a lot more days of stimulation ahead and it’s really great not to rely on someone else in this very important process.

I’m feeling well. I mean no weird feelings in my ovaries. Yet. I experience no changes by now apart from my accelerating nervousness. I sleep badly, often wake up in the middle of the night with the feeling I forgot to do something important or vice versa – did something wrong. The less days are left to our departure to Kiev, the more restless I get. To double all these feelings, it was an accident with my son yesterday. To make a long story short, my husband’s brother came to our place and they played with Den. He spinned him around, throw him up and gave him a ride on his back. They adore playing together. Then we all (adults) went to the kitchen to have some tea and Den was in the living room. He jumped on the sofa. He still was very playful and wanted someone to share his joy. Just in around 30 seconds, he run into the kitchen all in tears and screaming: “Mom, it hurts! It hurts!” He showed on his chest. I rolled over his shirt and I saw that the upper part of his belly was red. And he was crying out loud. He didn’t stop crying even when we tried to draw his attention with cartoons. No, it didn’t help. The stupidest thing was that no one even noticed what happened. I saw him on the sofa. It’s soft with lots of pillows, no rigid elements at all. We also didn’t hear any peculiar sounds of a fall. I didn’t know why he was crying, really. And this was the most terrifying thing about that all. Finally, we decided to drive him to the hospital to make sure that there was no serious injury. He was still crying however he started looking on the passing by cars and we guessed what brand the cars were and he almost forgot of his pain. When we entered the doctor’s room he wasn’t crying anymore. However, we were still stressed out. The doctors examined him, did x-ray and ultrasound, also took his blood. Hopefully, everything was fine. The doctor told that it even doesn’t look like an injury. He said maybe allergy or irritation. I then asked why he was crying out loud because of irritation? Really? In any case, they let us go home. It was already late night and Den’s eyes were merely closing. He went to bed. In the morning, his belly still looked reddish but this time we could see very tiny micro scratched just under his lower ribs. Ok, it seems that he just scratched his belly on something. He said he fell on a pillow and a pillow has a zipper. Probably, he scratched on that zipper. I don’t know. The main thing is that everything’s ok. And it seems that Den also has an ability to over exaggerate his pain (obviously). It was just a scratch, but he was crying so badly that I thought someone is killing him. Oh, a crazy evening, after all.

Sorry for sharing this all here. In any case, if you already have children, you understand how it feels. If you still don’t – now you know how it may feel. Parenting a kid is not only cuddling in bed on Sunday morning, it’s also the ability to drive to the hospital in 5 minutes (given that usually it takes not less than 15 minutes to drive there). In any case, it was an extra reason for me to get a few new grey hairs. This is what real parenting is. Especially with boys: they are so restless and always on a move. And even if your house seems 100% baby safe, he would still find a place to injure himself.

We’re departing to Kiev tomorrow evening. It’s not a direct flight, so it will take us almost 6 hours to get to Kiev airport. Then it’s also around 40 minutes’ drive from the airport to city center. I know they will provide us with a driver. We’ll be there late at night so I hope we’ll get to our hotel with no traffic jams. Yes, Kiev is a busy city with lots of cars, so traffic jams are a common thing there. Not at night, I hope.

I’ve told them that we’re travelling with our son so asked them to provide us with two bed-room apartment. I hope they will. Let it be small but still separate. The hotel we stayed in the last time seemed to be too small and rooms are tiny, so I hope this time they will provide us with apartment or better hotel room, at least.  

I’ll keep posting when any updates.

Have a great week!

One year older

Hi, it’s my birthday today! Don’t think that I’m asking for congratulations, but this is just how my day started: a handmade postcard from my boy, coffee in bed from by man and blood test results and scans in my laptop. Nothing special. Just an ordinary beginning of a day! Joking! Just all in one: you know, I have a bunch of feelings starting from anxiety and immense thrill to this very warm feeling of comfort and hope when your two dearest men care about you on your especial day. That’s awesome. This combination of feelings paints my day in richer colors even since the early morning. 

Honestly, I’m not a big fan of my birthdays. This feeling got even more vivid when I passed over 30 years margin. It’s like: “Ok, let’s celebrate! I’m getting older! Congratulations!”. In fact, I know that these are the thoughts of a worn out crone so I keep them locked in my mind and no one will ever hear them (may be but for reading as exception?). Sorry for grumbling.

We gonna have a small family celebration this night and large party with friends and relatives tomorrow evening. My husband is cooking dinner today, he said. He hardly ever cooks but there are a few recipes he perfectly mastered. So he gives me some breaks from cooking, usually on our special occasions like today. It’s especially important for me now when I seem to be dissolved in preparation to my upcoming medical procedures.

So I got the tests and ultrasound done. I have already sent them to my clinic’s manager and wait for their feedback. I should start ovulation induction medications soon. As I’ve told you in my previous posting, it’s hard for me to determine the day of my menstrual cycle because I have no regular bleedings. To know the exact day of the cycle, they take my blood for hormonal tests: luteinizing and follicle-stimulating hormones. On forums, you will encounter just abbreviations LH and FSH respectively. Knowing their levels, they can tell precisely the day of my period. Also progesterone, estrogene and anti-mullerian hormone once again (this one stands for AMH). The last time they checked it when I applied for surrogacy program back in July. It was 3,2 back then. They said it’s good result. This time it was 2,8. It’s obviously a bit worse but they say still ok. As far as I understood, the value depends on the day of the period and on some other factors. In any case, I’m sure I will get all the blood tests again when I travel to Kiev for eggs retrieval. There they will also take additional tests such as coagulogram (how quick my blood coagulates), and hormones again. In fact, I will need to come to Kiev several days before the surgery for them to monitor my state, the way the follicles grow, choose the best time for surgery, and of course in order to omit hyperstimulation (which is another terrifying word for me in this assisted reproduction vocabulary). It’s a very dangerous complication of stimulation (or this is just specific side effect or individual body reaction on medications). Ok, I’m not a master of explaining intricate medical terms, but I know that it’s probably the worst thing that may accompany hormonal stimulation for follicles. You know, when I saw my protocol of stimulation first, it was hard to evaluate it for me. I mean to give my own estimation as to how long it is and if they prescribe too little medications or vice versa a lot of them. Now when I got to read so many articles, blogs and communicated on forums with ladies who have/had similar treatment, I realize that I don’t have much medications. I have only one gonadotropin called Merional (intramuscular injections), Metipred (tablets), and vitamins (folic acid and Vitamin E). I know they may still add certain medications when they get my recent tests. Still I’m a bit concerned of having only one gonadotropin prescribed. Will it be enough to induce superovulation in me? To get many eggs of good quality? I know these question shouldn’t come to my mind since I have a doctor to care about all those aspects, but still – I’m a woman and when it deals with my future offspring I have to be maximally aware of the situation. I hope they know what they are doing.

Have a great day and loads of love on you!

I’ll drop a line as soon as I get updates.

Do you know how it feels?

It’s the seventh day after Dipherelin injection. It seems I’m feeling quite well. I’ve read some clutchy stories of how women feel after this medication: from dizziness to severe cramps and vomiting. As a newbie, I was really scared of it. Moreover, the doze is quite high (I had 3.75). I used to have headache, though. Apart of that, the place where I had injection to also used to ache for around two or three days (sorry for intimate details, but it’s in the bottom). I also felt some drawing pain in my right ovary but it was very occasional and not severe. I hope that my body’s reaction can be called good reaction, after all. Most women say that their period starts in a few days after the injection. Most women indicate their new period with menstrual bleeding. In my case, it’s a bit more complicated. I can’t have bleeding. If you remember my first posting, I had hysterectomy after my first baby was born. It was almost 4 years ago. It was partial hysterectomy: they removed uterus, but my ovaries were left (hopefully). Since then my menstruation is never accompanied with bleeding. But still I have it. I know it might sound a bit weird, but it’s just about elementary anatomy: no uterus, no endometrium, no bleeding. Still I have periods more or less similar to what a normal lady my age has. Despite of the surgery, my ovaries function ok and still produce all female hormones needed for my normal existing. However, just after the surgery and up to 3 months I had to take hormonal medicines together with a lot of other medications needed for my rehab. Since then my period day can be indicated only with the help of blood tests. However, I often feel ovulation and PMS even without tests. Hormones are still striking my brain and I still can be a real scratch-cat a couple of days prior to new cycle. I know it might be hard to figure out how it all works after such a serious surgery. Believe me: I used to feel I’m no longer a woman after hysterectomy. I used to think that I will gain weight, shave my moustache and never ever have any pleasure from sexual intercourse. My rehabilitation period was tough, mostly psychologically. My two dearest men were the ones who didn’t let me sink in depression. My son and husband: the first one always kept me busy and demanded attention and the second one persistently reminded me that he still loves me, and even more than before. He thanked me for the son. He told it almost every day. He loves him immensely. He told that we will overcome all troubles together. I got used to my new condition. Still there was at least one advantage of that all: no regular bleeding. Hey, answer ladies: have you ever dreamt of it? At least once? Not to have menstrual bleeding. Never. Have you? Frankly speaking, I had. I used to have heavy and painful menstruation since high school. And yes, there were times when my inner voice told me: “I hate this all. I wish I never experience it again!”. My “dream” came true. However, in my 16 I hardly ever thought that no menstruation means no babies. This idea never came to my teen’s head. I still can’t understand why women are called “the weaker sex”. We experience these pains ever since our 13, then survive all 9 months of pregnancy with all that morning sickness, then 20+ kg weight gain, then painful delivery and rehab period, topped with all the difficulties of lactation. How can they call us “the weaker sex”? It puzzles me.

Brief note - the process started

I think I will keep it short today and with some good news. I got an email from my Biotexcom manager who supervises our surrogacy program. Our doctor considered my last ultrasound and confirmed on stimulation. Everything within the protocol they signed back then when we traveled there for the first time in summer. We start with Dipherelin. If I’m not mistaken, this means that we’re in long protocol (they also have a short protocol). I don’t know how they determine what type of protocol is best but I hope they know what they are doing. As I’ve told you already, our doctor there is Elene Mozgovaya MD. They ensured me that she is very skilled and have been working in this clinic for already many years and that her type of treatment usually shows good result. It’s very inspiring. Moreover, I’m happy she’s a woman. I don’t know why, but I don’t like male gynecologists. I know they say that a doctor is a human being without gender, but still. Everyone knows it not true. Moreover, it’s easier for a woman to understand another woman. I think so. And yes, it’s my, very very personal, point of view. Maybe I’m wrong. In any case, I think they don’t even have other male gynecologists there. At least we saw only women.

So my trigger shot of Dipherelin was yesterday. 3.75 one shot doze. Hopefully, my mother-in-law is a nurse and she agreed to do all those injections for me. It saves a lot of time and she is really very good at it. I almost felt nothing.

I was feeling well after injection but for headache. I think it’s due to the weather so I don’t associate it with injection itself. It’s impact on my body is quite profound so I was afraid of profound side effects. It’s the second day after injection and I’m feeling well. I hope this sets a good beginning to this big deal.

Have to close by now. My biscuit-tea break is coming to an end. My son is still sleeping but I want to have a fresh banana-cream dessert cooked for him when he wakes up. He likes banana. Ok, have to go.

I wish you a very warm weekend with your nearest and dearest. xxx

Waiting for the green light for stimulation

All the fuss around Halloween is left behind so I can take a moment and drop a line. Our party was quite fun… for children. They were the ones who really enjoyed the holiday. The costumes were all different and they looked really cute/scary in them. And yes, they gathered a lot of candies and sweets, and for my little one – it was a problem for me to explain that he can take only 1 candy per day. I think that stock will be enough for half a year for him. Other mothers were more liberate to their kids, I mean in respect of sweets, so Den felt a bit embarrassed because of it. In any case, they had a lot of fun. Daddy of one of the girls on the holiday dressed in this terrifying ghost costume and frightened the kids. They liked it, hopefully no one were scared, even the youngest on our party. They were rather to laugh loud and run away from the ghost. What else kids need?

Next day I had to visit my gynecologist. She checked me and made ultrasound. Everything seems to be within norm, she said. She said endometrium is 11 mm. I hope it’s okey. I had to send the ultrasound to my manager at Biotexcom. She then shows it to my doctor and she recommends the best day for dipherelin and ovulation stimulation trigger. As I’ve told you before, I have all the medications for stimulation. They gave me this huge pack on the first time we came to Kiev, just after all tests, checkups and signing contract. I hope they won’t change anything in my protocol. In any case, they assured me that even if I need any extra medications for stimulation, they can send it to me or I by it here in Norway and they give me money back when I travel the next time to Ukraine.

So, I’m waiting for their feedback and still keep learning more about the medications I was prescribed. As far as I understood, my protocol is more or less “mild” if it’s admissible to say so. I’ve communicated with ladies on the forums who have much more stimulation medications on their protocol. I don’t know if it’s good or bad. I know they need to have more than two eggs appropriate for fertilization after stimulation. I don’t know if with my mild scheme they will get as much as needed. From the other hand, there’s a scary word for me “hyperstimulation” and I hope that I won’t be running the risk of it. As far as I understood, the most important thing here is eggs retrieval procedure: it must be performed on the indicated date and time, otherwise there might be problems. I hope everything will be ok with time schedule. I don’t have worries about it.

You know, when we decided to go to Ukraine for our surrogacy procedure, I was a little bit afraid that they might have problems with medical equipment and sterility. You know, I knew not so much about this country before we travelled. Of course, I knew that it’s closer to Europe than for example Georgia or India and therehow it should be quite “European type”. From the other hand, I also knew that a few decades ago it used to be a Soviet country, thus leaving its imprint on the further destiny of this country. To tell you the truth, when we booked our air tickets, I didn’t know what to expect. In any case, I had good vibes. And they didn’t let me down. I didn’t see any dirty gloves of a nurse, or outdated equipment, you know – everything old and dirty. In reality, all the clinics we visited in Kiev looked very modern, both in exterior and interior. All equipment is new. Everyone who comes into the clinic puts boot covers on – everything is absolutely clean. All medical stuff wears very neat uniform with badges indicating their names. Nurses and doctors wear one shot sterile gloves. Taking samples of blood wasn’t painful at all. To sum up, the level of medical service is high and my suspicions as to non-sterility vanished. Finally, the clinic we signed up contract with deals exclusively with foreigners, mainly westerns, so they try to keep up with high requirements of their clients. I was surprised that they have managers speaking so many foreign languages from English to Chinese and Korean. What I didn’t like, though, is that managers at Biotexcom seem to be always in a hurry, always in fuss, because they have to consult several couples per day. I think the management of the clinic should think about expanding their manager’s stuff. In any case, they keep me updated via emails and I don’t experience any lack of communication by now.

So, I shall get their response soon and trigger my stimulation. They told that they already have a surrogate mother for us but we still know nothing about her. By the way, if you choose Ukraine for your surrogacy destination like we did, be ready that they don’t allow choosing surrogate there. You can meet her only after the 12^th weeks of pregnancy. Since it’s gestational surrogacy, surrogate mother won’t have any genetic relation to the baby. She just needs to be healthy and be compatible to your blood type. Also, you won’t be able to keep in touch with your surrogate directly, only with the help of manager who is in the meantime your translator. All surrogates are Ukrainian nationals, age between 18 and 39, have at least one healthy child of their own. They ensured us that they have very strict restrictions as to surrogate’s health. They also go through psychological checks ups. Of course, I’m interested to know who she is and how she looks like, but maybe they are right that this is not the most essential thing about our surrogacy process. If you will be opting donor eggs surrogacy, here the situation is absolutely different: you may choose your donor (sure, finally you choose who your baby will take after). Still I haven’t learn the process of choosing a donor very thoroughly because we’re opting on our own first. They gave us two attempts. If they won’t work, they will have to move to donor eggs. I hope sooo much that at least one of my two attempts will work.

Ok, I’ll close by now. As soon as I get any news from them, I’ll drop a line.

Have a very good day.

Xxx

Signing up contracts: costs, guarantees, number of attempts, payments and service included.

It’s 12^th day of my period and I’m starting stimulation this month. Hurray! Yeap, we’ve been matched with a surrogate mother (I still know absolutely nothing of who she is) and they synchronize our cycles. I have to do ultrasound in 6 days to ensure everything’s fine and I can start stimulation. It’s a long protocol starting from Dipherelin 3.75, one shot.  

Now I know it’s a high doze and I’m a bit afraid of side effects and how I will be feeling. From the other hand, I know that our doctor Elena is one of the leading specialists there in Biotexcom so I hope she knows what she is doing.

Surely, I’ll keep you updated on how we proceed, and now as I promised I’d like to tell you of how we finally made a choice, probably one of the most important choices in our whole life. These two days in Kiev were very busy but in the meantime very informative. It was not easy for us to make a choice, I must admit. All clinics we visited seemed quite good, modern and providing high level of service. Now the most crucial question was price and guarantees. Yes, guarantees. For newbies like me the category of “guarantee” sounded quite strange for a start. What guarantees do they mean? Ok, let me explain. It seemed that we were the only couple there who was opting surrogacy and knows nothing of what IVF is. Couple/women contacting fertility center for surrogacy usually have a background of a row of unsuccessful treatments: IUI (intra-uterine insemination), IVFs, donor egg IVFs, and even surrogacy attempts. With all those failures, they wasted time and money. That’s why guarantee of having a baby is so important to them. You know, we met a very kind couple from Denmark there in the clinic. They had 6 unsuccessful attempts of ivfs (both donor and own eggs) and trying to conceive for almost 10 years. I felt really sorry for them. I can’t even imagine how painful it might be. Now they switched to surrogacy. They told me that they had signed with this clinic mainly because they provide unlimited number of attempts for fixed price. In this particular case – donor eggs surrogacy. The same is provided by our contract. The only difference is that I give my own eggs. I go through hormonal stimulation. They can’t stimulate me endlessly. Thus, in case it won’t work from the first two attempts, they will have to shift for donor eggs. They told us that if we desperately want it to be our eggs with no shift to donor eggs, we’d better choose single attempt surrogacy program. It costs less but no guarantees, as you understand. Just one shot. Like a Russian roulette. Of course, I desperately want my future baby to be genetically connected to me. But losing money and flying away with big fat negative was also not a great prospective for us. We signed up for unlimited number of attempts: two attempts on my own with further transfer to donor eggs. Still hope so-so-so MUCH that our two attempts will work. I will do everything possible and impossible for this.

They offered us to choose between three contracts. The cheapest one is Economy package, cost 29 900 euro. Then comes Standard package – 39 900, and VIP package 49 900. All three are “all-inclusive” and provide guaranteed success. All legal and medical expenses are covered in each package, as well surrogate mother and egg donor fees (in case of egg donation). In economy package, you will have to cover all expenses in case of premature birth. Also, if pregnancy due to certain conditions stops after the 12^th week (very unlikely, still may happen), you pay compensation to a surrogate mother – 6 k euro. With Standard package, the clinic covers all these expenses (premature birth and pregnancy loss after 12 week). It may sound a bit too complicated to figure this all out, I know. We read all those contacts several times and asked dozens of questions before we could finally digest information and take a certain decision. With VIP contract, it’s easier – your contact is ultimately all inclusive: no extra charges, luxurious separate accommodation, business car transfers and personal driver, Ukrainian mobile phone, baby sitter, pediatrician and even all baby stuff you need. I think this package enables you with much more privilege, however we didn’t consider this package as an option for us mainly because of the price. So obviously I can’t be a very good counselor as to this particular package. I’m sure it’s more than great, but still we were choosing between economy and standard. We finally signed up for the last one. For us, it seemed to be a perfect combination of price and quality. Also, with this contact they provide better and more spacious accommodation which was a very important criteria for us because next times we will be travelling with our 3 (almost 4) year old son and he needs a separate bedroom.

It seems that I forgot to mention that no matter what package you choose, they provide airport pickup, transfers, interpreter service and even meals. I find it rather comfortable. We spoke with those who are already parenting babies there in biotex (waiting for all their papers to be ready for leaving back home which may take a month or two, so be ready). They said that it’s so comfortable: they have a maid who cleans the house and cooks fresh meals so that you can concentrate on your baby with no extra fuss.

Having made the first payment of 8 k euro, we we’ve been waiting for a match with gestational carrier for around 10 weeks. Our next payment (7 900 euro) is scheduled on the day of eggs retrieval. I’m still very overwhelmed, a bit worried about hormonal stimulation (mainly because I’m afraid to do anything wrong) and afraid of eggs retrieval surgery in general. But still I have this very warm feeling deep in my heart that it will work for us. 

PS: the photo attached is our hotel room provided by the clinic we’ve been staying at in Kiev

Don't count the days, make days count!

It was a very tough week. A row of good and bad things happened. The news was a shock and even when it seemed that it couldn’t be worse it was. Ok, I’m not going to upset you because this bad news is just for my family. I hope your week was joyful and happy.

In any case, after frustration for a couple of days it seems that I have strength to move forward. At such moments you realize like you did never before that life is so short. It’s just a blink of eye between the past and future. And you are the only one who can change anything NOW. There is no yesterday or tomorrow. Just today and now. Unfortunately, we leave so many things “for tomorrow”, “next week”, “next year”. This is probably one of the biggest mistakes we make.

As I get older, I discover so many things that were obviously hiding somewhere behind our daily routine and all the joys of the 20s+ ages. Is this natural? Am I just getting older? Getting wiser or just older? Having new wrinkles on my forehead means that I’m smarter than before? Or I’m just burning my days for nothing? And those who seemed to live this life to the fullest degree, those who are in their 70s and 80s, did they have enough time for fulfilling all their dreams? Were they brave enough to dream and make their dreams come true? Looking back on their lives, are they happy? If they could, what would they change? I was always afraid to ask these questions. As for me, asking such questions means summarizing life thus saying goodbye on default. That’s why I never asked them.

And what comes next? Or this is it? I know a very wise person who told me once: “Our immortality is in our future generations”. He knows better. Obviously, the essence of our lives is raising dignified new people who will raise new people and so on.

I still keep thinking of it.

Even if it’s true, I’m limited in this due to my infertility. Limited but not deprived. Now I’m even more convinced that I’m on the right way. I hope that my family will welcome its new member soon.

I know that many people stay childless all life long and still are happy. This is the right formula for them. For me, my happiness is in mothering and in bringing new smart, beautiful and dignified people to this world. Somebody correct me if I’m wrong. Maybe my thoughts out loud are just groundless conclusions of a young mother who has some fertility limitations and just feels guilty about that?

A question for everyone reading this: what is the sense of life for you? Please help me figure this out. 

The best is yet to come

Is there anyone waiting for these weekends more than I do?

This is going to be a great time. You may call me a lazybone but I’m looking forward to a very relaxed and free of any duties weekend. Why? My parents are taking my son to their place for the whole weekend so that me and my husband could have all the time in the world together. We’re always busy working that’s why such moments “just for ourselves” are so rare and so long-awaited by us. Of course, we’ll be missing Den. Anyways, I know he’ll have a gorgeous time with grandparents and his cousins. Yes, they are gathering a small kindergarten there! My parents love gathering all their grandchildren from time to time at their place. My dad has so many games to play with them and my mom, she cooks gorgeous pies that they love so much. Oh, I love them too but I’m no longer three years old to eat them as much as I want (age is taking its toll and now I have to be very picky in what and how much I eat).

There is one secret reason for why I’m keeping strict and very healthy diet now. Are you interested to know? I know that very soon I’ll be stimulated for eggs growing in my ovaries that will be used for our first IVF ever. If you read my previous posting, you may already know that I had my uterus removed after the first natural delivery. We took courage and applied for surrogacy program! Own eggs surrogacy! Yeah, they approved me for own eggs stimulation! Luckily, my ovaries still function ok. They checked my hormones, ovarian reserve and did blood tests (both to me and husband). All exams were fine and they gave green light for two IVF surrogacy attempts on our own genetic material. This is a long story to tell and this is actually why I started this blog.

We met a lot of new and unknown things in the sphere of reproductive medicine we were absolutely unaware before. Yeah, they really do miracles! They help even in the worst cases of infertility. They know how to omit genetic diseases. They can choose baby’s sex. They can fertilize woman even in menopause! And even more importantly – they can transfer my own embryo to a healthy woman who will give birth to my baby!

We have already signed our contract and currently we’re waiting for a proper surrogate for us. We couldn’t choose the surrogate. Our clinic’s doctors choose surrogates based on medical criteria. They told that her health is all that matters. Ok, perhaps this makes sense. As for us, we got instructions on dieting and vitamins during this period. They gave me this huge pack of medications for ovulation stimulation so we’re waiting for their green light to start.

Are we overwhelmed? Like we were never before!

From total despair to faint hope

Hi. This is my first blog ever so please don’t judge too strictly.

Probably, I’m neither William Shakespeare nor Pablo Coelho but I know letters and I have what to tell you. Is this enough for starting a blog? You tell me.

To begin with, let me give some insight information about me, my family and reasons for writing this. I’m a mother of three year old toddler and a wife of my dear husband. My name is Agnete. My family lives in Oslo, Norway. We enjoy travelling, mountain skiing, paintball and eating out. We don’t have a lot of friends but those who are inside our family circle are our dearest people in the world. We run our small business, work hard and play hard as well. In general, we are a typical family of three, loving and caring to each other. But! It seems that happiness is always bitter sweet, unfortunately. I paid my dues for mothering. I gave birth to my dear son and on the same day the doctors let me know that I will never be able to have more children. This was the happiest and yet the saddest day ever. Due to a big rupture they had to remove my womb. They were very afraid to tell it to me and we right. My postpartum depression was multiplied with real grieve now. Why? Why me? What will my man say? Will he still love me knowing that I’m infertile? So many questions were running through my head. My husband was also shocked. I know he had a tough talk to a doctor. Well, it was a very sad page in our both lives. Our delight was our baby boy who day by day helped us recover and slip away from the problem. The scars healed, the baby was growing and it seemed that we survived all that.

For almost three years we were afraid to talk to each other about it again. I don’t even remember who was brave enough to talk first. It seems that this thought was maturating in our heads for a while. We just understood that despite of all this, we still want to have more kids as we always were dreaming of. My husband and I, we both come from big families. I have a brother and my husband (his name is Martin, btw) has two siblings. So having 2+ kids was like a matter of course for us. On that day he told that he wants a daughter and a sister to our little baby boy. At that time, I already knew that we could use surrogacy but I couldn’t even imagine that we would ever talk about it that seriously.