It was a very tough week. A row of good and bad things
happened. The news was a shock and even when it seemed that it couldn’t be
worse it was. Ok, I’m not going to upset you because this bad news is just for
my family. I hope your week was joyful and happy.
In any case, after frustration for a couple of days it
seems that I have strength to move forward. At such moments you realize like
you did never before that life is so short. It’s just a blink of eye between
the past and future. And you are the only one who can change anything NOW.
There is no yesterday or tomorrow. Just today and now. Unfortunately, we leave
so many things “for tomorrow”, “next week”, “next year”. This is probably one
of the biggest mistakes we make.
As I get older, I discover so many things that were
obviously hiding somewhere behind our daily routine and all the joys of the
20s+ ages. Is this natural? Am I just getting older? Getting wiser or just
older? Having new wrinkles on my forehead means that I’m smarter than before?
Or I’m just burning my days for nothing? And those who seemed to live this life
to the fullest degree, those who are in their 70s and 80s, did they have enough
time for fulfilling all their dreams? Were they brave enough to dream and make
their dreams come true? Looking back on their lives, are they happy? If they
could, what would they change? I was always afraid to ask these questions. As
for me, asking such questions means summarizing life thus saying goodbye on
default. That’s why I never asked them.
And what comes next? Or this is it? I know a very wise
person who told me once: “Our immortality is in our future generations”. He
knows better. Obviously, the essence of our lives is raising dignified new
people who will raise new people and so on.
I still keep thinking of it.
Even if it’s true, I’m limited in this due to my infertility.
Limited but not deprived. Now I’m even more convinced that I’m on the right
way. I hope that my family will welcome its new member soon.
I know that many people stay childless all life long
and still are happy. This is the right formula for them. For me, my happiness
is in mothering and in bringing new smart, beautiful and dignified people to
this world. Somebody correct me if I’m wrong. Maybe my thoughts out loud are
just groundless conclusions of a young mother who has some fertility limitations
and just feels guilty about that?
A question for everyone reading this: what is the
sense of life for you? Please help me figure this out.
Well thank you for sharing your thoughts with us. The sense of life for me is parenting kids. Here are some of the ''rules'' I found then starting to get prepared for nursing our surrogacy newborn:
ReplyDeleteGet help when you need it.
Communicate more with your kids.
Tone down the consumerism.
Say what you mean and mean what you say.
Don't forget to laugh!
Don't preach - be a role model.
Don't feel bad about being a working parent.
Don't neglect others (especially your partner).
The one but last confused me..I was a working parent. A hardly working parent better to say. And I was afraid so much I wouldn't be able to be a good mom after all those strugglings we had to go through..Seriously??!! You might find it foolish. But those things really bothered me then..
I'll agree with you. When you know you'll need med help/surrogate's help to have your kid it's ok to grieve from time to time you cannot do this yourself. Don't let anyone tell you it's not. And if you need a few days to be a non-functioning human being, you should take them. Don't let people make you feel it's just self pity. If after you grieve you find you still can't move forward, ask for help to move forward whether it's from a friend, a partner or medical professional. But for now, it's ok to be sad and angry and disappointed and bereaved. My experience with infertility is that people around you don't want you to feel negative emotions. They try to recommend courses of actions or helpful books. They mean well, but they don't understand. They can't understand. Stuffing emotions in a box and pretending you are ok is exhausting, and unhealthy. So peobably we all have to get those days in lives to understand how to move on.
ReplyDeleteI was just trying to shift my focus onto other things but, it seemed I just couldn't. I'm picking up on a pattern in it all- I don't want to talk to anyone in my real life from when I get my period until the next time I ovulate. It's like the pain is so horrible and I don't know what to say so I just don't even want to talk. I'm in the wait period of my cycle- won't know anything for another week- torture. My husband is starting to pick up on my desperation, which I suppose is good- I need more support and understanding that this is more than just dismissive "we'll try again" stuff for me at this point- I'm ready, why can't my body get on board? *sigh* Here's hoping for this treatment plan... one more month... these weeks are SO long!
ReplyDeleteFirstly, let me wish you all the very best of luck ahead. I'm not sure I made right conclusions as for your treatment plan. but at least I thought this might be of some interest. We've been into the treatments for yrs. lots have been already done. Still a couple of things to investigate further.. This is what I wanted to say. The exit process is never easy emotionally I should say. As you know parents and their children share a deep, affectionate bond. This is a psychological connection that endures over time. It’s what makes parents instinctively want to care for and nurture their children and it is important to children’s psychological well-being, sense of security and self-esteem. The baby gets to know its mother for nine months before birth through the sound of her voice. And in turn, she gets to know her baby through kicks and flutters. The theory of prenatal attachment states that these bonding experiences motivate good health practices during pregnancy, prepare the mother for parenthood and help promote continued bonding after birth. But what happens in surrogacy, when parents and their baby don’t get to bond during the pregnancy? In this case the emotional transfer takes place from the surrogate family to the intended parents. This emotional transfer allows the baby to begin bonding with his or her parents and vice versa. Itt is known that from an environmental perspective, the child has a keen sense of smell and hearing. And they have already attached to the carrying parent through hearing, smell and touch. The more you can talk to your baby (Either in person or through records) the more familiar your baby will become with you and your family. I’ve read somewhere dr suggested recording yourself talking or reading books to the baby and sending the records to a surrogate.When your baby is born, he or she needs to confirm his or her sense of smell, touch and hearing. So they can only get that by being in contact with the surrogate mom. The best scenario is that when the baby is born, he or she can be placed on the surrogate’s chest to touch and feel and confirm the smells that they recognize. Dr says if the surrogate is not emotionally ready to hold the baby, she can touch his or her hands and feet!! I’m just amazed on such a huge number of facts we don’t know. We even don’t suspect how tightly everything is bound in the process. Personally I am a bit afraid of placing our baby onto a surrogate’s chest so that she could feel her..This is the kind of white envy..I'm praying you're close to these moments, so soon you'll be blessed with your little one. Wishing you the best and stay strong. hugs xx
DeleteNot sure why I'm posting this here. Just felt safe and comforted among others. Just had my phone call. as this is my first time experiencing IVF. I really don’t know what to expect. how to feel or what is good or bad.
ReplyDelete5 eggs recovered. 4 mature. Only 3 fertilised.
45% chance of development to blastocysts. Even then it may not go ahead as my endo lining isn’t thick enough. Next phone call Saturday to let us know how the embryos are doing.
I can’t help feel it’s not looking good for these little embryos with such low figures. Although I get it’s quality over quantity.
Is it ok me feeling like this or should I be feeling more positive..I really don't know..
Hoping for you. On the day of your ET, the lab experts will grade your embryos. They'll select the most viable one/ones for transfer. The embryo grading system starts with A being the highest quality and F being the lowest quality. Here please don't be overly concerned with the grade of yur embryos!! C grade embryos are the most common. while embryos with an A grade are much more rare. (We used donor egg for ivf at bio texcom clinic. They guarantee at least 3 A grade embie for the ET.)
DeleteAlso take it easy after your transfer. There are different opinions about how long you should be flat on your back following the ET. Your doctor should give you directions on this. Because you will be flat on your back for a long period of time, your back will likely become very sore. Ask your doctor whether it is okay to take Tylenol or another medication to help ease this pain.
Since then do not jump to conclusions on your pregnancy status based on your side effects!! Many of the shots you’ve taken and procedures you’ve undergone, in addition to the progesterone shots you’ll continue to take, may cause symptoms similar to those of pregnancy.
Try to stay distracted! Just to make the wait pass more quickly. Again, frequent movie/date nights, dinners out, or reading are good options to keep your mind off of the upcoming pregnancy test. Don’t push yourself physically; enjoy taking a break from physical activity.
Don't take a home pregnancy test!! At least earlier than before your scheduled blood test. The trigger shot contains the same hCG hormone that is detected with pregnancy tests, and taking a home test before the blood test can result in both false positives and false negatives!! Avoid this stress by avoiding an early test.
''I know that many people stay childless all life long and still are happy. This is the right formula for them. For me, my happiness is in mothering and in bringing new smart, beautiful and dignified people to this world.''Love this part. IVF may be an option if the couple faces one of this problems:
ReplyDeleteFallopian tube damage or blockage. This cause makes it difficult for an egg to be fertilized or for an embryo to travel to the uterus.
Ovulation disorders. If ovulation is infrequent or absent, fewer eggs are available for fertilization.
Premature ovarian failure. It's the loss of normal ovarian function before age 40. If your ovaries fail, they don't produce normal amounts of the hormone estrogen or have eggs to release regularly.
Endometriosis which occurs when the uterine tissue implants and grows outside of the uterus. It often affects the function of the ovaries, uterus and fallopian tubes. Uterine fibroids which are common in women in their 30s and 40s.
Fibroids can interfere with implantation of the fertilized egg. Previous tubal sterilization or removal. If you've had tubal ligation and want to conceive, IVF may be an alternative to tubal ligation reversal.
Impaired sperm production or function. Below-average sperm concentration. weak movement of sperm. abnormalities in sperm size and shape can make it difficult for sperm to fertilize an egg. If semen abnormalities are found, your partner might need to see a specialist to determine if there are correctable problems or underlying health concerns.
Unexplained infertility which means no cause of infertility has been found despite evaluation for common causes.
A genetic disorder. If you or your partner is at risk of passing on a genetic disorder to your child, you may be candidates for preimplantation genetic diagnosis. After the eggs are harvested and fertilized, they're screened for certain genetic problems. although not all genetic problems can be found. Only the embryos that don't contain identified problems can be transferred to the uterus.
Fertility preservation for cancer or other health conditions. If you're about to start cancer treatment. such as radiation or chemotherapy, that could harm your fertility, IVF for fertility preservation may be an option. Women can have eggs harvested from their ovaries and frozen in an unfertilized state for later use. Or the eggs can be fertilized and frozen as embryos for future use.
Even if it looks too complicated from the first sight, I do not understand how it is to choose the childless style of living. moreover find it ''natural''. That's why I'm totally with you.
Also women with the following conditions or situations are typical candidates for donor eggs:
DeleteExtremely poor egg quality;
History of genetic disease;
Ovaries do not respond to stimulation;
Hormonal imbalance;
Over the age of 40;
Early menopause or POF.
Those are at least scientific facts! In all the other cases, everyone thinks they are a fertility expert ?. I’m currently giving a wide berth to those who force their random advice on me: “you’re trying to hard”, “you’re not trying hard enough”, “you’re too old” (better tell that to my friend who was born when her mother was 44 and father was 46), “it’s just one of those things” and / or “just adopt” (not that there is anything wrong with adoption and we haven’t ruled it out”.
DeleteThere's a good answer to this~
DeleteIdeal package 39.900 euros (egg donation package with possibility of moving to surrogacy):
1 or 2 Embryo Transfers;
Medical treatment (they do not to have an age limit for egg donation programs);
Medications needed before transfer and 3 months after;
Egg donor fee;
Sperm donor (if needed);
Pregnancy monitoring till 12th week
Services of the coordinator in charge of the program;
Accommodation; Meals; Transfer from/to the airport and from/to the clinic.
In case of switching to surrogacy you are provided with services included into surrogacy package of your choice.
PGD/PGS (included in surrogacy packages only).
Look for more packages available on https://biotexcom.com/services/.
No exact answer, I'm afraid...
ReplyDeleteHere's how the very begining felt for us.
The NHS is a postcode lottery. I’m going to get very little where we live, unless l can find a time machine to make me younger and / or get me back in time to start trying for a baby with my partner before l even actually started dating him!! Your GP is likely to not manage your expectations about this. they leave this dirty work to the hospital should you even get that far. You are best checking what the CCG for your particular area offers; you might get 3 cycles of IVF if you meet a number of criteria (age, BMI under 30, certain FSH etc). You might get 1 (this is my area but they deem me too old at 39). Or nothing as they don’t give it anyone. CCG’s rarely follow NICE guidelines like they are meant to. If either of you have children, then you won’t get any treatment from the NHS either!!
It’s very likely your GP won’t know the NICE guidelines so make sure you do. Our GP’s were reluctant to do any tests, after we had been trying for 7 months. Despite the fact NICE guidelines state that investigations should be done after 6 months of trying if the women is over 35 and 12 months if she is under 35. We reminded them of the NICE guidelines and magically they agreed.
A 2nd opinion about fertility tests / investigations is a good idea. Our GP’s said we would never get pregnant naturally with my partners sperm, a private clinic weeks later described it as “super sonic” and more than good enough to donate. Going private isn’t cheap for tests but their tests seem more advanced and accurate. My Gp seemed confused at my tests results in general! Couldn’t understand my progesterone number and this only came to light after l requested print outs of all of my test results..
This all is quite painful.
This might be the odd post of mine. But I have read that a chemical preg can cause delayed ovulation. I researched this when I noticed that I was going to OV on my regular cycle day, and my opks where coming up negative when they would usually be positive. Do you have a chart to take a look at too scrutinize your temps and see when you may have OV? The bfn's could mean you are testing too soon. Some women don't get a + until WAY later. Implantation happens over a period of days 3 and sometimes more. Then Hcg has to be produced, sent into the blood stream, and finally excreted in small amounts in the urine. So it could take some time to see that line just because of the long process of getting to the urine. I've faced chemicals twice. Not the best experience either. Bc all your dreams get broken - and you need to start everything from the very beginning. this is frustrating though. Anyway, our path took us to Biotex. We wer still able to use own eggs, thus these being ''rejevenated'' first with donor's mitochondria. I'm just all in the process. Crossing everything. and baby dust to all!
ReplyDeleteYou know whilst typing this following reply I just cought myself on the thoughts. First – I was extremelly lucky to have found this blog on the internet. Second – I can share experiences with a kind understanding lady like you. Third – I just love reading the blog back versa. Like figuring our notes from the past and comparing them to those of mine. I do feel glad about this!
ReplyDeleteAnd there are so many things similar in our stories! As you remember from my previous posts, I can remember when we very first learned we wouldn’t be able to conceive on our own, I was crushed. I felt so powerless. I felt like a fundamental right had been ripped away from me. I had to grieve the picture of creating our family between the two of us. And I was angry and resistant to the picture that included nurses, doctors, needles, and unanswered questions. We’d been 2 years, several iUis, two surgeries before finally got successful with ivf procedure at a Polish clinic. Our son was 4 yo when we decided to try for a sibling for him. That coming time was an absolute disaster. Our doc found out my eggs became aged so we had less than 5% of conceiving with them. Furthermore I got heart complications due to previous disease. That’s why Dr wasn’t excited about the testing results and told I’d better not risk with achieving pregnancy myself. Knowing that we were one step from surrogacy brought no actual relief in fact. One thing we knew for sure we had to look onto more affordable prices comparing to those in the US. This way soon we found ourselves on several surrogacy boards where larned much about surrogacy in Europe. Biotexcom was one of the clinics strongly recommended by some ladies with successful outcomes. So that one only call changed the situation entirely for better. They found a perfect surrogate match for us within months. Which is extremelly time wise as I’ve read before people spend years before actual start of the process. She is very young, 21 yo only. Having a kid on her own which was quite surprising for us unless we didn’t know this was one of the clinic’s requirements for the surrogates/donors. Besides we had to use donor egg, you know. So we had another kind lady willing to help us. We had to go through so many things trying for a sibling....