Everyone knows and everyone cares

The last several months were as if not from my life: sometimes it seemed to me that I’ll wake up one day and find out that it was just a dream. At times, it was scary, at times it was incredibly tough, at times I felt as if I’m helpless and losing every little hint of hope.

However, things turned out to be maybe even better than we initially expected. Yes, yes, it’s a bit tough for me to confess but we didn’t expect that our surrogate will get pregnant from the very first attempt. Just imagine: our first IVF ever. I know that so many people keep trying again and again and nothing works so I was very afraid of failure. I know this is not right. After all, hope and positive approach is above everything else, but having heard some stories of recurrent unsuccessful IVFs we just didn’t want to be disappointed at once. And please don’t throw stones at me. It was a tough time both for me and for all of my family: tiring flights to Kiev, waiting, first hormonal stimulation with dozens of painful injections, painful surgery of eggs retrieval and then waiting again. Getting our positive beta test from Biotexcom clinic was really the sweetest and the most expectant present we could ever get for Christmas. Ok, and then waiting again (let’s not forget about this most essential part of our surrogacy journey). They said that normally they do first ultrasound two weeks after beta test but in our case it was several days earlier (am I that lucky again?). They say everything’s fine and they will keep monitoring our surrogate mother and her pregnancy.

Of course, it’s too soon to say “done” because the first trimester of pregnancy is so fragile. I know it from my personal experience: when I was pregnant with Den I was hospitalized with slight bleeding. It was on the 9^th week of pregnancy. They said I was running through a big risk of placental abruption and thus losing pregnancy. Hopefully, we called the doctor at once and they did everything possible to save pregnancy. So I know very well how it feels and what it really is.

That’s why I keep thinking about that woman whom I still don’t know but who carries my baby. She definitely has her own child/children because this is their requirement for intended surrogate mothers. So I hope she cares well of herself and my baby as much as she cared about her own pregnancy.

Loads of love on all of you!

Happy New Year!

Christmas and New Year holidays is one of the best time of the year for me and for all of my family: lights, Christmas tree, presents, relatives, friends, tasty food, good movies and festive mood. This year we got a very special present on New Year’s Eve – our surrogate’s ultrasound confirming that there is one healthy pea that has stick and develops normally in the uterus. Our baby! Still so tiny and so far away from us, but still ours. And we love him/her immensely. Could there be a better Christmas surprise?

I’m still thrilled and worried for every single detail about our surrogacy pregnancy especially now when I know the clinic is on winter holidays. I hope our surrogate and baby feel well.

My one and only wish for all those couples trying to conceive is to finally have their long-awaited baby in 2017.

Let all of us have a fantastic year!

Hug you all!

The pressure is on!

Please forgive me that it took me so long to update you this time.

These few days were extremely full of emotions from immense joy to hesitation and thrill. Have you been waiting to know our HCG test result? I’m sure you did, at least once.

We received a letter from clinic’s representative on Monday morning. Finally! It seemed to me that this day lasted forever. I was checking my email again and again millions of time and nothing happened. By the time I finally received the letter, I was already pretty tired and exhausted with waiting. When I finally saw it in my inbox, I stopped breathing for a while. I opened the letter and saw the words of congratulations and our HCG test that was showing number of 320. Can you believe it? I couldn’t. At that time, I was like: “Is there anyone to pinch me and I’ll wake up”.

My husband was still at work at that time. I was thinking how it’s better to present this new to him. Of course, it would be much more romantic if I could hide my test with two fat lines in a present box or something like this. However, the situation is different and I should have searched for more witty solutions. I was flying like a butterfly over our house. Then I decided to find Den’s newborn baby booties. We had very beautiful white ones. I put them on a pillow just in the middle of the sofa where Martin usually has rest after work. I was very nervous and thrilled. I know he wouldn’t ask me any questions before he gets to the sofa so I wanted to be the first.

Ok, he saw the baby booties on the pillow and understood everything. He started hugging and kissing me and then asked many questions. It was an unforgettable evening.

At first, I was a little bit worried that number of 320 didn’t seem big enough to me. The test was done on the 14^th day post transfer. Then I read some info and asked ladies on forums. Everyone told me that it’s absolutely positive and may indicate even twins.

What’s next? We’re waiting for our first ultrasound. They told that as a rule they do it in 2 weeks after HCG test but they will have a row of Christmas and New Year holidays there in Ukraine, so they told us that the ultrasound is scheduled for the 28^th of December, a bit earlier, you see. They told that only ultrasound test will set everything clear with our pregnancy so we’re waiting… again…and again.

Loads of fertility dust on you, sweethearts!

Xxx

Today

It’s the end of two weeks wait. Yes, it’s today. Hopefully, we survived this unbearable period. It seems that the whole eternity has passed.

I really hope our clinic will contact us today. At least, they told us that HCG blood test is scheduled for today. I already surfed the internet and learnt everything about first weeks after embryo transfer, about development, tests and normal values. By this time, HCG should be quite high already. We’re expecting to see a big number.

Gosh, it seems that today the time stopped. I’m checking my email every 15 seconds. It seems I’ve gone crazy. Such a long way behind and what’s ahead? Has it worked? How does she feels? So many questions running through my head.

In any case, all that I can do is wait and hope for the very best outcome. That’s why I decided to continue this diary. It helps me relax a bit.

At first, I wanted to wait until the result and only then update you. Anyways, I was silent for a long time that’s why I’m here.

Maybe some of you who are following my diary have already got your BFPs during this time. Is there anyone? Happy expectant mom? Please send your fertility vibes on me.

My husband tried not to talk much about it yet. He knows I get too excited and nervous each time we start talking about surrogacy. Moreover, my son got ill in a few days after we came back from Kiev so we both were busy with him. He is still so young and needs care, attention and love. She is absolutely fine now, hopefully. By the way, we’re getting ready to his birthday party that will be on Friday – 4 years already. A big boy. Only our closest people will be invited so it’ll be small family celebration. Still, he wants to have a big cake and a lot of balloons so we’ll have to take care about it. And of presents, of course.

Let me wish you a good day.

I wish all of us get only good news today.

I’m waiting for our 3 figure HCG test result. I hope biotex replies promptly and won’t make me wait even longer than these unbearable two weeks. 

TWW

I bet you can’t even imagine what I feel now. Or maybe you can. Still it’s an absolutely new feeling for me – our two week wait started. You know, I’ve never imagine how thrilling it is when you go through IVF route. In my case, surrogacy. Now I know that I can’t just go to a shop and buy a few home pregnancy tests in case I won’t be able to wait anymore. No, I can’t. 14 days and maybe even more: it depends on how soon they will get blood test result and email it to me. Our surrogate mother will come to the clinic for beta HcG test only on the 19^th of December. Ok, it seems I’m running ahead of the story. I missed some major information and skipped to what is the most essential to me.

Our embryo transfer was on Monday. Two 5-days blastocysts were transferred to surrogate’s uterus. They advised to transfer 3 embryos but we didn’t agree. They say it increases the chances for positive outcome. Maybe. But what if all three stick? It’s risky for pregnancy and for surrogate’s health, and even if all three are delivered safely – what will I do with 4 children? So, we agreed on transferring two. Two more were frozen. They will be used in case of failure (but I hope it won’t be). They emailed me an embryo report. There was information about eggs collected, their quality, fertilization method, number of days for cultivating, number of embryos received, and their quality. All embryos are of perfect quality as far as I understood. It was a bit hard to understand the report but finally we did it. It’s my first IVF report ever so I was a bit lost.

Of course, I’m very happy that everything goes well by now. I hope that lady realizes her mission and takes care of herself and of our future babies. I never thought that surrogacy is so tough emotionally: you understand that you’re in control of nothing. Yes, these are your embryos but inside of the woman you have never ever met. Who she is? How does she look like? Is she smart and intelligent enough? Where does she live and what is her daily routine? Will she take care of herself? Will she choose good food and omit smokey places and lifting weights like you would do if you were pregnant? Surrogacy is magic combined with immense thrill and uncertainty. Sure, it’s a magic for us to hope for our flesh and blood baby after such serious surgery that leaves no chance for natural pregnancy. In the meantime, she is there miles away and we are here. The closest time we can meet is only in around 10 weeks (if it works, of course). In Biotexcom, they don’t allow seeing surrogates until the 12^th week of pregnancy. I was wondering why and I asked our manager. She said that even if the result is positive, the first trimester of pregnancy is considered very fragile. Especially in case of twins. They said that making connection with surrogate too early may be additional stress for us and for her in case something goes wrong. I’m sure you understand what I mean. Maybe they are right. Maybe they are too strict. We discussed it with Martin. He said that this might make sense. They assured us that surrogate mother will be very thoroughly monitored by their doctors and regional representatives. We know that she lives in a small town far from Kiev so she will have to travel to Kiev once a month for tests, checkups, ultrasound and screenings. Her nearest test is Hcg, of course. That’s the pivotal moment through the recent 4 months. We’re keeping everything possible crossed and asking babies to stick. Den also knows what’s going on. Probably, he has his own vision of situation but he knows that he was traveling to Kiev for his little brother or sister. He wants a sister so much. Of course, he doesn’t know any details (hopefully, he haven’t asked yet). I know that one day I will have to explain everything to him but not now. In any case, I’m sure he will understand.

To sum up, I invite you to join our two week wait club! Maybe, you’re also waiting, maybe not. In any case, if you read this long post till these words, you’re interested in my journey and I invite you to join this very exciting world. Waiting is unbearable. If I didn’t have a child who always keeps me busy, it seems I’d go crazy through these long two weeks. In any case, we’re all charged positively and are waiting to get their good news soon. Are you with us? 

Regards from snowy Kiev

Today I even do not know what to start from. It’s the second day after eggs retrieval and I still have pain in my lower abdominal, obviously in the places of puncture. It still bleeds slightly. They say it’s ok. My poor belly was full of bruises after hormonal injections and now this all is doubled with inner pain and weakness after anesthesia. Gosh? The same question again and again: Who told that women are the weaker sex?

Despite of all my post-stimulation and post-surgery tortures, there’s the main fact that should be underlined: the surgery went well. And yes, this is the key factor in this story. The day was magical from the very morning. They told me not to eat anything before the surgery. I woke up and looked through the window: everything was cover by virgin white snow and it was still snowing. I don’t know why, but I decided that it was a good sign. The driver came to take us to the clinic at the appointed time. It seems that traffic was getting more intense because of snow.  We started to get nervous that we won’t get to clinic in time. Hopefully, our driver knew the best way and took us to the clinic just on time. They took me upstairs. It was warm there, so I almost forgot about snowfall that was outside. My anesthesiologist was really a humorous man. He was definitely in a very good humor so I relaxed a bit. He asked something from my manager. They told me to take off all clothes and to dress a one shot medical gown. It was complete anesthesia. I remember myself counting and then I fall into very deep sleep. They told it was around 15 minutes. For me, it seemed like 30 seconds.  Not feeling anything, nothing at all. No nervousness, no pain. I had so many questions and I was waiting for my manager to come. She ensured me that everything went well and told that I will get a report on how many eggs were retrieved a bit later. She also gave some recommendations on my post surgery care.

Oh, I forgot to tell that my husband was done with his sperm pickup even before they took me to surgery room. They use everything fresh for our fertilization: fresh sperm and eggs. They told that 8 eggs were retrieved. We still don’t have any report on embryos. Maybe it’s too early. In any case, our embryo transfer is planned for December 5. We had a separate discussion with our doctor and manager of how many eggs should be transferred. They said that they can transfer up to three eggs. I know that it increases chances of successful ivf, but still it increases chances of multiples and we were not so much overwhelmed by the idea. I love children but raising triplets accompanied by a toddler was not actually what we were dreaming of. So we gave our consent on transferring two embryos.

They told me that it would be better to stay in bed for 2-3 days after the surgery. Our air tickets are booked for tomorrow night so I have one more day for rehab. We have another long and tiring flight back home, again with a change in Frankfurt, so I have to get better soon. Hopefully, Martin keeps Den entertained. They give me as much time for rest and sleep as I want. There’s a maid who cooks dinners for us and cleans the apartment, so we have nothing to worry about. It was already late evening when it stopped snowing so heavily. They went outside to play with snow. I’m sure they had much fun. Snow was shining on the moonlight and was so divinely white that it seemed that ground was covered with down and it felt so comfy in this fur coat.

Today it doesn’t snow anymore and the sun is shining so brightly that I even had to pull down roll curtains on my windows. This time it reminds me that Christmas is so soon. According to my approximate calculations, we will get to know the result of our surrogate’s pregnancy just a few days before Christmas. But let’s not run before we can walk. Flying home tomorrow and will be looking forward to their updates on our embryo transfer on Monday. I hope my eggs will be good enough for fertilization and embryos will develop properly.

PS: it seems that I forgot to tell you a few other important steps of our surrogacy journey that took place during this visit. Most importantly, we had to make the second payment according to our payment schedule. This time it was 7 900 euros. This was the second installment. By this time, we have already paid 15 900 euros in total. Also, we signed contract with our surrogate even though we still haven’t seen her. They told that we will be able to meet her only when pregnancy is confirmed. Ok.  Now our future totally depends on Biotexcom embryologists and gynecologists. I hope they will do their best for us and our attempt will be positive. Everything crossed!

A postcard from Kiev

Good evening to everyone who is following me here. So much to tell you this time, so much news and updates so this post definitely won’t be brief. First of all, we safely got to Kiev but “safely” is probably the best characteristic of our flight. In fact, it was a long and tiring flight with one change in Frankfurt. Thus we got to Kiev when it was already late night. As I probably told in my last posting, I was a bit concerned about out hotel transfer. When we traveled to Kiev the first time, Biotex’s driver met us at the airport and took us to the hotel. But it was day time. I wasn’t sure that they provide same service at night. And my worries weren’t groundless. There was no driver. They told us to find a booth with inscription “Biotexcom” and they will call a taxi for us. Maybe because we were so tired after the flight, we couldn’t find the booth at once. We were wandering around arrivals lounge for around 10 minutes before we finally saw a small window with necessary inscription. Oh, thanks. Really, there was a lady who called a taxi for us. The taxi came in around 10 minutes and around 30 minutes yet to get to the apartment. Yes, this time we stay in the apartment which is very cozy and spacious. It’s much better than the hotel they accommodated us the previous time. In any case, at 3 am we didn’t care about it. we just wanted to get to bed as quick as possible.

Next morning we were already at the clinic. We were met by our manager (is it a sign or not, but she is pregnant!). They took my blood for tests again and then we were taken to our doctor. There were four more couples in the lines to see this doctor so we had to wait. She did ultrasound test and physical examination. She said everything is the way it should be and told me to follow the initial protocol, with no changes. Oh, was it a relief? I was so worried that my body might have poor response on merional and eggs won’t grow. But she said that everything was fine.

What about Den? He was really making fun there at the clinic (even though it seems that he should had been much more quiet but we couldn’t do anything, really – oh, I’m so sorry for this. Moreover, he found a friend there – an Italian boy of around a year older than he. Their fathers did their best to calm down these two but it’s really very tough for a toddler to wait for hours in a closed building. Then the manager told us that we may go downstairs and treat our boys with busicuits and hot chocolate. They liked the idea. Moreover, it was a new room where they could look everything around with interest.

So, now knowing that everything was fine with my stimulation, we could breathe easily and decided to go sightseeing. Sure, the weather was not very indulgent for long walks, but still we visited several Kiev cathedrals with these gorgeous golden domes and the central street called Khreshchatic. We also found an Opera House and Martin said that we should see the ballet. When we came to the box office, it was a bit tough to communicate with old Ukrainian woman who was selling the tickets. Hopefully, there was a young lady who knew English so she helped us buy good tickets. We were really surprised by the price of the tickets. Our pit stalls sits cost around 25 $ which is a minor price if compared to European opera houses. The ballet was called Corsar by Adolf Adan. We were full of impressions. Den was also with us. He was the one who felt a little bored by the play so we had to go a bit earlier. But it’s ok. I knew he won’t sit there till the very end.

My eggs retrieval surgery is scheduled for Tuesday. Tonight I’m making Pregnyl 10000 injection. It’s hormonal injection of Hcg. They told to do precisely in 36 hours before the surgery. So, I’m making it at 10.30 pm tonight. I hope you’re still keeping your fingers crossed for me. Are you? The day is coming – if everything’s ok, fertilization will be the same day.